Written to release resentment.

By Tricia Bates Smith

Why am I hurting and you’re not? 
Why am I doing and you’re not? 
Don’t leave me to have to do it all!

Fine, I’ll do and do and do. 
Stay out of my way as I bulldoze through! 
And, don’t be surprised when you find me lying on the floor.

I will keep this household while working with the pain.
I’ll keep this job advancing without expecting any gain.
It will all be as I think you expect and will not let anything fall.

Do you see me suffering for you?
Do you not see I have crashed from all that there is to do?
Why can’t I be like others who just drop the ball?

No. There is so much to do and do it right.
But, if I’m dead, will there be another who sees I was right?
I’ll be seen as imperfect … which is beyond my control.

And, when I’m gone, will any of this matter?
My work left undone; memories of me fleeting and scattered.
Will you hold lasting remembrances of how hard I tried to love well?

Dear Lord, I ask for a chance to change,
from this false self to one who will engage.
To be one who lives in my heart and can act from there.

Unlovable no more, I’ll begin with loving me.
My vision will open to find more imperfect souls just like me.
I’ll extend my hand and love them through their own time on the floor.