ACIM Lesson 196 notes.

It can be but myself I crucify.


“The thing you dread the most is your salvation.”

This has me thinking of Marianne Williamson. She elevated herself in the spiritual community by being brave enough to bring this idea into the public awareness – that our greatest fear is our greatness.

“You have sought to be both weak and bound, because you feared your strength and freedom.“

I am stressed over a request I made of a family member. I tell myself it is fine however it plays out so why the stress? Is it because I need to have my way? I think so.

A brief idea becomes so important to me. And once I share the idea then I will defend and attack to retain its merit. (I was going to write ‘establish its merit’ but I realized that within me I give each thought merit right away. There are some I analyze and then reject but all are of great importance to my ego.)

Where is this reflection taking me?

“It can be but myself I crucify.”

This process of defending my thoughts does hurt. How do I change this?

I’m hearing ‘God’s thoughts … God’s way.’

In my current stress, I shared my idea out of love for another. My sharing came a couple of days after I had the idea and was prompted to share by a desire expressed by my loved one.

Was this assisting in God’s will? Are some thoughts I think God’s will? How many do I not act on?

I’m trying to look on my thoughts differently so time to mull this over …

If some of my thoughts are God’s will coming in, I feel some release of stress. The thoughts don’t represent me or define me. Why would I need to defend an instruction?

In addition, if I think my thoughts are only my own, this makes it easier to ignore the instructions to be more engaged with my life.

Great Love, I am afraid. Why?

Why do I defend my separateness when all I want is connection to others?

I sense that this is old stuff … the remnants of ‘a tiny mad idea’ of separation as Robert referenced recently in the Text. T27.VIII.6.2.

(The Text calls for my attention so I will finish this now.)


“I cannot be hurt except by my own thoughts.”

My body can be hurt in a car accident or by an assault. Is the ‘I’ here not my body but my soul/eternal self?

It is true that there are those who go through bodily pain/damage/struggles and can return loving-kindness. Even to be miserable in physical struggle can be seen as an attack on others who love and care for you and only want your well-being. I can see there is nothing to be gained by being mean just because you don’t feel well. And you ask, ‘where is God?’

I am to remember that God is in all the creation around me including the people who care for me.

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