August 2020 thoughts and insights

August 1

You are that person who reassures all around you that “All Is Well, All is Well, and All Manner of Things Shall Be Well,” to quote the power of the Divine Feminine, in Her life as Julian of Norwich.

We would say, not only are you strong enough to finish this journey, but you would do it all again if you had to, for the sheer Joy of the inner knowing that the finish line is not the point, but the journey itself, and every form of Joy and beauty one can enjoy along the way.

And so you move forward now, not needing things to resolve before you breathe fully into the Present Moment, anymore than you need to know someone loves you before you can dive headlong into the Joy of loving them.

You move forward now as you have always done, as worlds evolve, and as your own soul takes on a brighter Light—

With Joy, with calm, with respect for your path and inner acceptance of What Is, and the Knowing that whatever may occur, you are never alone.

Namaste, friends! We are with you, always.

Copyright 2020, Caroline Oceana Ryan, 7-31-2020

If you repost, please maintain the integrity of this information by reprinting it exactly as you find it here, and including the link to the original post.

After some time spent this Saturday morning noticing of the ruminations of my mind, I realized I am not, and have not for a while, interacting from my heart. Much is going on in this Nation so I have taken position within my mind to know, understand, and have an opinion formed ready for any conversations that may arise. And they have risen with my loved ones. I spoke some things my mind had developed (and ego says are insightful) and yet there are not good feelings coming from these conversations.

No Heart.

Before I read the above quote, another channel blog post brought my attention to my not acting from my heart. This person was explaining her behavior as one who consciously acts from the heart and she mentioned the pain that comes when her actions are not in line with her heart. I quickly remembered my own blog posts about heart pain.

Yes Tricia, there have been periods you lived from your heart but you are not there now. L

And then I was hit with the next ‘wake up’ alarm that the post above alerted me to. I have always put my attention on the end of the journey, the outcome of the event, the completion of the project. “I can be happy then.”

I feel I want to cry right now.

I don’t allow myself to be happy now! (Except when … the Now coincides with moments of accomplishment; my beliefs say this is the time to be happy.)

OK, there are a couple things to figure out now. The easier one I feel is to find out when and why I shut my heart down.

The second one I feel will be a deeper dive to uncover because I know that for my whole life I have never appreciated the journey, never lived in the Now when I have perceived a stress or problem experience happening.

First issue: When did I shut my heart down?

I think it has been a few years now. I think it started with my year of discernment, 2017. The year I went down the rabbit hole seeking truth to understand this reality of SSP, aliens, Deep State, NWO, alternative science, etc. What I saw was the things I needed to understand to do my work as a Lightworker.

Sadhguru calls intellect a knife. It needs to slice things up to understand. That has been me, putting understanding above feeling for thing I experience … unemotional dissecting.

So why did I have the belief I was on the right path to put understanding this Earthly reality as my most important role to bring light to what I saw. Good and bad in everything, I am expert at finding the good, looking at things differently, coming to forgiveness. I am also good at doing this without feeling.

Julian of Norwich’s quote works for me with some modifications. I just jump to all will be well. God wins.

Great, I get that because in the Now I can do all my problem solving, my worrying, and hold anxiety. Or my skill of recent years … to try to explain what I see, label it, believe I understand it, so I have some control.

All is well Now. This is not resonating as Truth within me. My beliefs are blocking.

What are these beliefs?

God is winning. God is winning. God is. God is all that is. (Weepy. Sorry, just testing my feelings … Yes, they are still here.)

I want to be happy, everyday, every moment. I want to trust God.

I want to Love God with my whole self and Love others as my self. I want to live this life appreciating every moment, express my devotion to God and the gift of life, and allow Love to come through me to others.

No more waiting for sometime in the future for things to resolve themselves. Now. Now. Help!

What are my beliefs that cause me to struggle to live in the Now with an active mind planning for what may be coming?

Too much need for control and a lack of trust.

This life has been good. I am blessed in so many ways. Being an ‘old soul’ I believe the traits of needing to control and having a lack of trust come from past lives. (And not just my own … collective consciousness). All of humanity has gone through long terrible periods, many generations, where we have competed and harmed one another.

Do these traits serve me today?

Needing to control separates me. It keeps me from being connected to others. I can do things on my own. I can have everything figured out. If we are to join the galactic family where communal living is the norm and everyone shares a group mind through telepathy. I can’t even fathom how that type of shared thought works. I don’t even seek out other peoples ideas when working on a group project. I can get quiet to let others speak but in my mind I am special being quiet and allowing them their voice. I must be difficult to work with. I do believe that I can hear other people and will adjust my own ideas when something better is proposed.

One of the conversations I had a few months back with my Higher Self I wrote about how society needs to fail for humanity to gain some humility to be ready to join the galactic community. We don’t know it all. I don’t know it all.

I am grateful for these reflections as well as mindfulness that makes me aware of the traits of my personality that are not loving and kind, the traits that strengthen my ego and keep my being out of my heart center.  I am grateful that with maturity I have learned to catch myself before the need to fall occurs to learn a lesson.

Trust in God. Trust in others.

Be willing to surrender to the current experience and know All is well.

Stop controlling. Allow others. Be vulnerable. Release my expectations.

I accept the present moment. It is where I am and it is good.


August 5 – Elizabeth Anne was born today.

August 6 – I’m not obligated.

I am a short-timer at work as I am retiring in a couple of months. Three decades I have worked in my current employment, from the month of my marriage, through 2 pregnancies and child rearing, loss of family members and now into my active age of wisdom. J

As I work on my projects and various management tasks that I have overseen for several years I wonder who will take over these tasks. Today I spoke with my supervisor about setting up an exit strategy. I made some suggestions about documentation that perhaps I should prepare. He said everything I do was appreciated but I was under no obligation. “Things will get lost.”

I decided in that moment to hold onto the phrase, “I am under no obligation”. It kind of felt good to use it to release some anxiety.

I am at home now, outside enjoying the fresh air after my workday. I am under no obligation.

The thought just came to me of owing a debt of gratitude so I am writing to develop this flickering thought.

I thought back to the young me in various organizations. I always wanted to be involved fully, to be the one to figure out procedures and policies. It upset me a lot to be overlooked for input. I recall taking a theology class, related to my volunteering to teach catechism while still in High School. I was told straight out by the adults in the class that I was too young to know or offer an opinion.

My current job gave to me what I always wanted: the opportunity to step up to take on new problems, find solutions, and get to see them work throughout an organization. It gave me the means to be very proud of myself and to develop the experience to become a wise elder of the organization. I’m an expert in my field.

Who would have thought I was capable of that all those years ago. I didn’t. I had an innate drive seeking it but would not have been able to point out what I really had to offer.

A lovely thing really … to be put in an environment where you can grow and bloom.

Today I feel grateful and appreciative for all the opportunities I was given.

I am ‘much obliged’.

August 16 -A conversation with my Higher Self.

Have had some colorless dreams the last few days and the one this morning had me wake up feeling down. I want to have a bit of a rant now…


~Why is anything supposed to be how you think it is supposed to be?

For my control, for my security, for my peace of mind.

~Why do things outside of you matter when it comes you and your peace of mind.

Because I am always looking outside. L I’m bad (I am thinking of to too much social media).

 Well it is late Sunday morning and my plans all fell apart due to the rain.

~Is it the rain at fault? Is it you own choices? None are good or bad. You are the one judging yourself as you think you are to be one way but then make choices that lead another way. It is all fine … Just different paths to the same destination.

A destination? Is there one? I am feeling weepy now so something is coming up.

I want to know I will be OK. Then I want to know everyone I care for will be OK. I don’t know I don’t know. I want to know what is happening so I can run it through my filters so I can feel comfortable that I understand what is going on.

An Albert Einstein quote is coming to mind. Something like … you can’t solve the problem from the level of understanding of the problem.

 “The world that we have made as a result of the level of thinking we have done thus far creates problems that we cannot solve at the same level as the level we created them at.”

I am once again not trusting God. I am looking for my personal understanding to comprehend the multitude of changes that occurring on many levels of our being (ie: culture, planet, body, mind, spirit)

~You think you can list them all but even this you don’t know. The game Tricia, the Game. Life is a gift. You just have to appreciate and engage in what is before you.

I think sometimes about doing just that. Living the idyllic life, appreciating what I have and loving those around me. BUT, then I think of all the numerous stories in history, or even in todays news, where outsiders come in and kill, destroy, altering people’s lives and situation that they were pretty happy with. And I don’t want to hear we signed up for this BS!

~You don’t want to hear truth. The Game.

If it’s just a game then why do any of us care about others? My wanting to understand includes being ready to help others. Why if this is a game would we think about anything but ourselves?

~You are one piece of a whole. A whole nation, a whole humanity, a whole collective consciousness before you get out to the Christ consciousness.  The collective includes the feeling of security in the group. And, of course, true happiness is shared. What to you really want? Is it to be happy or safe?


~Make your choices based on what will make you happy.

Love and light … Going within … Shutting my mouth. (Weepy again.) I still feel like it is wrong to be silent but it feels better to be silent.

~It is not your time. You are not here to battle or attack. Dis-order is not your role. It is re-order when it is time to build. Now is a time of tearing down. Do your practices that bring peace. Be comfortable.

I am so grateful for all my blessings. And, for times likes these that so much insight and re-assurance is provided.

~You are greatly loved.

August 28

Last night I caught a Youtube clip of Bashar and in the title it said Jesus speaks. Obviously it caught my attention … Great Love.

A person asked Bashar what were the tools that ascended beings like Jesus and Buddha used to transcend the ego life. Bashar said to “Trust Life”.

This really resonated within me. Images popped into my mind. The Alchemist: the experiences of that book leading the character with clear evidence that the Universe will rise up to meet you. Also Michael Singer and his ‘Surrender Experiment’ of how his life of surrender brought him to transcendence.

Trust Life. Surrender to the experiences it brings.

I know this to be true. I still feel the bits within me that want to control because they are not ready to Trust.  

All is well, all is well, all will be well.

It’s all good.

God is Love. So Trust Life!

Evidence is all around that the world is transforming: the beauty of nature, the coming together of different species of animals, as well as peaceful interactions with man.

August 29

Last night I watched a Youtube with Jim Self in conversation about the polarity we are seeing these days. As he spoke he seemed to be supportive of what Portland city government was doing with changing their laws and not accepting help from Federal government to control the violence in the protests. His explanation was that Oregon was established with laws that were to maintain white supremacy and that they were changing these ways now.

New ideas have started to form in my mind. Perhaps we are seeing the ‘new’ forming on both the right and the left. I have seen for a long time the right moving toward sovereignty by acts Trump has taken with attention on immigration; bringing energy production and manufacturing home, and expecting other nations to pay for our defense of their borders. Even the way he put the responsibility for Covid controls on the States reinforces their sovereignty.

On the left side my mind says it is equanimity forming. I just looked up this word definition. I thought it meant equality but it means psychological stability along with tranquility under stress. The feeling for use of this word still feels right within.

When I feel sovereignty within me I feel strength, courage, and the right to be me and to defend my own way of being.

Equanimity within me feels loving; it takes from sovereignty that I am good being as I am and then extends it outward … therefore, I know you are right just the way you are.

I’m going to keep this in my awareness and see if I can find the evidence out there in our world.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.