May 2020 thoughts and insights

As I haven’t been successful at sitting myself down on Sunday Morning for reflection and development of thoughts that float thru my mind I decided to publish notes that made it into my notebook because there were some good thoughts and insights this month.

(Covid-19 stay-in orders continue.)

May 3rd

Thinking about the phrase ‘the ghost in the machine’. I recall, at a time in my past, not really understanding the meaning behind this phrase. Now I feel the ghost, I am the ghost. The body is the machine. For most of my life I identified with ‘I am’ being the machine, the physical body. When I have conversations with others, now I must remind myself that they still identify themselves with the body and have compassion. A big sign that I have grown and now have a broader perspective. Of course I couldn’t understand what this phrase meant when I had no perspective that there was more than the machine/body me who did what was culturally expected of me … survival mode. Now I live more. J

May 5th 

Lower consciousness is living in the wheels of karma. Higher live in dharma, within your purpose. ~ Toni Galardi interviewed on Healing Matrix on Gaia.

This quote had me reflecting on my purpose. With these reflections came ‘higher’ elevated feelings, I could just begin to feel and understand what living in dharma might be like. This was a concept that had never gained my attention before.

Before falling to sleep that night I listened to a Kryon audio (4-15-20). He spoke about giving; people who help the poor, sick, those in need, he said this is ‘giving lite’. A shallow compassion. As he gave the listing of ways people give I felt bad as my mind said ‘I don’t do this’. He said the greatest giving is forgiveness, this was mature giving, extending compassion to one who offended you, understanding and seeing yourself in the Other.

This I can do! My dharma is forgiveness – bringing out the light ‘good and bad’ in everything.

May 8th

I had one of my bad sneezing, nose running, days a week or so ago. I realized it is not allergies but a nerve issue, from my neck over my head to my sinuses, eyes, and teeth. Oxipetal neuralgia is what a loved one was diagnosed with a few years back so I know the name. I know it is stress in my neck and upper back (have had shoulder pain too) that puts the pressure on the nerve. I also know that I am first an energy being and that my throat chakra is blocked.

I watched Healing Matrix on Gaia interview with Ellen Eatough entitled Honest Sex. In the interview they said something interesting, that blocks in the throat chakra are connected to blocks in creative and sex energy (fifth and second chakras connected). This made me feel like I needed to talk, just start saying anything. I did think about how speaking un-filtered would probably not be good for my relationships.

Before going to sleep I thought about my feelings during my conversation this day with a loved one. There were several times I could have spoken up with ideas about politics or Covid-19 but I held back, not saying what I wanted to say. There were parts of the conversation about family that I spoke in support of her that felt really good. So I realized while lying there in bed that there is nothing wrong with not speaking everything that enters my mind. Thoughts can be powerful when they become words; before that they are just thoughts – ideas based on beliefs of the moment. They just enter the mind, and then it is the mind that chooses to make them important. They feel important because they come to represent who I want to pretend to be, supporting current beliefs that I hold. This is the ego mind.

My higher Self mind understands that the ideas behind the thoughts that may enter my mind are not important enough to me to express as words. Those words would represent my ego self who wants to say something to look informed or ‘ahead of the game’ in these crazy times but none of that is who I desire to be. They don’t represent my true Self, my eternal Self.

So I choose to let those ideas and thoughts float through my energy field. I choose no longer to think that I am holding back on expressing myself with regards to the non-permanent things going on in the exterior world.

I don’t hold them as blocks – released! J

I declare them unimportant because any at moment I could change my beliefs about what seems important today. I will try to define my goal here as a tool to recognize when I am putting energy into not-important information.

Goal: Seeking Truth -> gain understanding -> know True Self. <3

Samskara – I learned a while back that samskara is Sanskrit for energy blocks in our field. Today I have a new understanding. I thought samskaras formed for events and emotions outside our control. For instance: a childhood trauma that has been stuck, that has triggered reactions of fear or anger, that once taking the time using traditional tools (psychotherapy, yoga, meditation), they can come up and move through.

Today I understand that ideas become beliefs (which may even include ‘spiritual tools’) can form the blocks. For me, the thoughts I form that say ‘I don’t express myself’, when doing so create blocks in my throat chakra. Instead, I bring forward gratitude for my internal filters that allow thoughts to form and my ‘me Self’ to choose either ‘say it’ or ‘NOPE’. I know I will now be happy to say a big internal “NOPE” instead of thinking inside “I wish I could say what I want”.

I am thinking right now that there are 2 types of ‘happy’ within me. There is the ‘ego happy’ and the ‘real me’ happy. When I see a funny meme or get to sneak into a conversation a few fringe ideas I feel happy. But, this feels like a childish happy … like I felt as a child when bragging at school about something others didn’t have or getting something over on my siblings.

Ego happy = childish happy.

So what is real happy? It relates to Love … memories of family time, my babies, young love, good conversations, pussy cats, heart centeredness, mystical experiences.

Love, Love, Love. I should add to my internal filters the question “is this about Love?”

May 11th

I couldn’t fall to sleep so I went downstairs to find something inspirational. I found it. It was a video from Caroline Myss on YouTube, posted 5-9-20.

She related these times to a time she spent walking the El Camino in Spain. She explained how the path went through towns as well as the countryside. While on the path everyone she encountered was open, sharing, kind, and would greet each other by saying, ‘blessed Camino’. While walking on the path through towns she could step off of the path (by just 1 inch, she said for emphasis) and the energy would change to the hustle and bustle of local people going about their obligations (my description). She said she would step back on the path and feel the flow toward God, this was the flow of Grace.

I fully agree with her relating this to today (Covid-19 lock downs). My energies change significantly based on where my attention is. I feel the flow of Grace when I bringing my mind and my heart back to the present moment, to the future I desire, to gratitude, and to ‘light, Love, and I am’. The energy is chaotic when attention is on politics and ‘who did what’. I am happy the energy feels good when I speak with my loved ones.

Caroline said we shouldn’t say ‘getting back to normal’. We need to think forward – attention on forward flow. Yes!

May 15th

Conspiracy theories.

My thoughts are about the recent resistance I see related to the possibility of tracking people due to Covid-19 – to find people who may have been in contact with someone who contracts the virus. The Twitter-verse keeps saying we are losing our rights. I had thought negatively about the tracking but then I decided to look at it differently – may be it could be beneficial (good and bad in everything). Wouldn’t it be ideal if you are hurt or lost that help comes right away? They just know where you are.

I realized that conspiracy theorists seem to expect that everything hidden is for bad reasons by bad people. I don’t think most people are bad. I think most people are good so even if plans are made, with things hidden from the public, they don’t have to be harmful, negative, or bad.

Recently heard Regina Meredith say Conservatives want to conserve, to keep things as they have always been. Creation is change. I support change. Technologies can be good. Discernment is needed to find the Love and the caring for others in the new tools that are coming.

May 28th

For a couple of weeks now I have been saying in my mind that I need to find a novel to read. The spiritual/self-help books are not keeping my attention and social media is grabbing too much of my time. I feel my energy lowered when I get off social media so I look for something to lift my energy again. Therefore, I just felt it that getting lost in a spiritual novel would do the trick. James Redfield also kept popping into my mind so I looked to see if he had any novels past the Celestine Prophecy (CP) series. He didn’t so I resolved to read CP again … so glad for this choice.

As I began the book I decided I would use it as a tool to track how far I’ve come. It’s kind of a test for both me and James: do his insights prophesize the spiritual journey I have been on and, if he is accurate, ‘how am I doing?’

Stay tuned for my insights on CP insights.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.