Sunday 7-3-16 Help me.

“All things are lessons that God would have you learn. And the best students get the hardest tests.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant
Happy Sunday!
This morning I woke up and the ache is still there. In my mind I quickly said, “Thank you for this day Lord”, as I try to do each morning. I then added, “I’ll keep pushing through.” (The ache is about my son moving out.)
As soon as I spoke of pushing through I knew I had to correct myself. I know not to push against things but to release, surrender.
He’s gone. There is nothing here to ask for – I cannot pray for the past to return. I know what is happening is natural and meant to be.
It just came to me that even in this I am trying to manage it all myself, control my feelings. I can pray to God for help for myself. Yes I know that I must release this but that doesn’t mean that I know how!
I wrote last week that I would keep an eye open for when I am controlling and not placing my trust in God. Here is the example of a BIG area – managing how I feel. I must turn this over to God as well.
I am getting a sense that this could be a path to devotion. (My heart just released a bit of joy – I now wear a smile on my face. I’m onto something here!)
Dear Lord, help me. Help me to trust in you enough to surrender to the new events and experiences of my life that this change will bring. Help me to release my thoughts about how I think it is supposed to be. Help me to look back on the past with pleasure and acceptance.
OK … as I was asking and typing all of that I also got the sense that I was still controlling God by being so descriptive of the areas I believe I need help. Perhaps this is why Iyanla Vanzant told of having just 3 short prayers:
Help me now!
Thank you!
I can see that when the prayers are short you are leaving it all up to the wisdom of God, releasing control as well as your own ideas of how you think it should resolve itself.
Help me.
Perhaps I will use this as the title this morning? I am not confident in this yet as these words are bothersome within me.
Help me. Does this make me weak? I hold a belief that being needy is bad, that I can’t take care of myself which then leads to fear for my safety and security.
Help me, don’t hurt me. I have a belief that to ask ‘help me’ is making me vulnerable. And, I am not feeling vulnerable in the loving open sense that Brene’ Brown works to teach us of, but instead of that meaning of the word that I grew up with of being weak and susceptible to pain brought on by others.
Now that I see this it changes my perspective. It allows me to say boldly ‘Help me Lord!’ as now I come to it with my heart open, extended, and ready to receive what God chooses to give to me.
trust in god
OK, now with heart open, I’ll turn my mind to the lesson of devotion that is floating on the fringe ready to be downloaded into my awareness.
Devotion, putting God first in all things. This is my understanding of devotion. Through my writing of the last few weeks my awareness is growing. It expanded when I realized that I was not trusting God. That is not the way I want to be. Writing allows me to give myself time to be reflective. In this space I am noticing the things I am focused on controlling with no thoughts of God until I feel the pain.
I suddenly realize that ego and devotion are opposites. More credit goes to Iyanla on this Ah-ha as she taught me to think of ego as edging God out. I have asked many times to live the life of a devotee. I think today I am being given the understanding to sweep away past beliefs to allow new clarity into my awareness.
Help me.
In all things, I desire my thoughts go to you first Lord.
So it is.
“Father, our Name is Yours. In It we are united with all living things, and You Who are their one Creator. What we made and call by many different names is but a shadow we have tried to cast across Your Own reality. And we are glad and thankful we were wrong. All our mistakes we give to You, that we may be absolved from all effects our errors seemed to have. And we accept the truth You give, in place of every one of them. Your Name is our salvation and escape from what we made. Your Name unites us in the oneness which is our inheritance and peace. Amen.” ACIM Workbook p 1, Lesson 184. 15:1-9

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