Sunday 6-19-16 Letting go

“Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to stay, and reasons to come back.” ~ Dalai Lama
Happy Sunday!
And So, I have been on the path of letting go for the past two weeks. (These thoughts continue from my last entry of 6-5-16)
I now believe from the things that have come into my awareness these last 14 days that what I am struggling to release is a piece of my personality. For 23 years I have identified myself as mother. With that identification my mind added to the personality of Tricia a long list of responsibilities and expectations that society would judge me on.
‘No, no, no! I can’t mess up! I can’t let anyone judge me and find anything wrong with my mothering!
Wow, that is a big fear to realize within me. I see it now so I want it to rise up and move out of me.
There are several things to acknowledge as helping me to gain clarity. I am grateful for all of them and most grateful for the spirit within me that grabs my attention to say ‘pay attention to this’.
Last week I was watching a Q&A with Sadhguru. He was in India with an audience of his nationals. One person asked him about marriage, I felt this person wanted Sadhguru to affirm the importance of it. His response was that marriage is important when we are 3, and it important again when we are 40. It is not so important when you are 18 to 35. He explained that it is important to each person when we are at a stage of our lives when it helps to insure our security and survival. When we are children marriage is important to nurturing us, keeping us safe and sound. Sadhguru went on to expand on this idea by saying that parenting is a 20 year project. It is for a period of our lives. If we did it well it ends in 20 years, if it goes longer we did not do such a good job.
… a twenty year project. This has been in my mind since I heard it. I understand now it is telling me that I am not meant to be in that role of mother forever, even though I have been told that. It is time to drop that identity and all the beliefs that I hold associated with it.
This is a time of change. It is a time for form a new relationship with my sons. (I almost wrote children – this label too must change).
I watched an older Super Soul Sunday today; a conversation between Oprah and Gary Zukav. Gary and Oprah discussed getting over pain after showing an old Oprah Show segment of parents who had just lost a twin, Baby Ryan. This is what Gary explained:
“Pain for a worthy cause is suffering. What could be more worthy than the health of your soul? What could be more worthy than your growing into the fullness and depth and power of your heart? So if you know your pain serves a purpose and that that purpose is your spiritual growth; that is suffering. That is feeling the part of your personality that doesn’t Trust the Universe. That’s feeling the part of your personality that doesn’t feel worthy. That’s feeling the part of your personality that must have something or someone else in order to be valuable enough to be alive in the Earth. Having the courage to do that, the commitment to do that, and not act on it, that’s suffering.” ~ Gary Zukav
OMG! Suffering … feeling the part of my personality that doesn’t trust the Universe! I’m suffering, and have been, because my identification of mother is more important than you God! I don’t trust you when it comes to my children!
I am wretched.
And yet … I can release it as now as I can see it makes no sense.
I know I did not create them. I know that they are each an individual unique spirit made by God, the creator, as a unique attribute of All That Is expressing itself. I know their journey as human on Earth is of their choosing.  They chose me – I had no say, nor any control of the matter.
And I know there was something through interaction with me, this family, and this community, that drew them to manifest here. Was it to bring gifts or was it for their own spiritual evolution? Knowing our Awesome God I expect both!
This morning’s email message from Hazrat Khan spoke about giving selflessly. I saw my older son in this message. When I learned of archetypes a few years ago I saw him as a savior type, willing to give selflessly of himself for others in need of help. I than thought of my other son, he is a king archetype, strong willed and wanting to do things his own way. As my mind reflected on these innate traits, that were so obvious when they were young, I could see my influence. I realized that my influence, as well as all the other human personalities they have learned from, provides to them a balance to weigh their actions against.
The pendulum swings and finds its balance. (The Tao)
I brought my hands together in prayer as gratitude filled my heart. Even though I want someday for these base traits to manifest their power in my sons’ lives (as it bothers me that today I do not see them using this power) it is best that they learn to use their power wisely.
Wisdom – one of the blossoms that takes the nurturing of Life to bloom!
Wow! There is a big Ah-HA here.
The words of so many great spiritual teachers are spinning through my mind: Marianne Williams and her statement about our greatest fear being our power; Abraham always saying we are the leading edge of evolution; the grace and wise persona of Maya Angelou.
Here is what I am thinking …
What we call wisdom is the expression of a matured soul. One who through Life experiences, living within the realm of duality where positive and negative consequences occur from uncontrolled release of our innate powers, has learned to be, and use, who they are in subtle ways. There is strength and power in wisdom but there is also kindness and compassion.
In this place of duality our raw power released can cause harm to others. I am not referring specifically to negative power but to the power in all souls; even gifts like love or giving can cause another soul to be coddled to the extent that they are not allowed to evolve their own spirit. Each soul is a powerful attribute of All That Is. Life teaches us to refine our skills and manage our power to be of the greatest service without infringing on the evolution of another soul.
Therefore, over mothering keeps the soul from coming into wisdom. Don’t we see that in the world? I think each of us can think of examples of this. It is no wonder children fight so strongly for their independence.
Super Soul Sunday ended with a film about Michael Franti, a rock star turn spiritual ‘soulrocker’. The film said that when asked his mom said of her children that she wanted them to have wings. My first thoughts about this metaphor were of wanting them to go off, leave the nest, to be able to do it on their own. Here are some new thoughts.
A baby bird is born with wings, these are the outward sign of the power and potential of what their creator made them to be. If the mother held them in the nest they would never fly, they would never use their God given gifts, they would never join the flow of Life and be a part of nature, and therefore they would not contribute to the evolution of All That Is.
I think I am closer to letting go.
I don’t mean letting my sons leave the nest. I mean letting go of the part of my ego that identifies me as mother. I am ready to love them as special people in my life and I look forward to the new relationships we will build together.
I am breathing deep. Releasing. Letting go.
Thank you Lord for putting such precious beings under my charge. Thank you for trusting in me. Now help me with this process of letting go so that I may trust in you and trust in them.
So it is.
leaving nest“Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings.” ~ Hafex

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