Sunday 5-8-16 Hanging on

Happy Sunday!
The Sun! The Sun! It has just shown outside my window for the first time in more than a week!
The grayness of the week has not helped me in my endeavors to stay connected and in alignment with my True Self.
The pace of life and the stresses at work have been rigorous to keep up with. Weeks seem to pass in the blink of an eye. My work days are full of resolving one issue after another.
It seems I have achieved my goal of a few years ago – to delegate more of the tasks to others. So now my manager role is in full bloom with my need to direct, advice, train, decide, and resolve issues on many projects with the issues coming in from the several assistants and outside consultants in place to help me. It is all such craziness!
Nevertheless … I wish to keep God forward in my mind at all times.
Be still – and know – I am – God.
When Saturday morning came I felt a bit remorseful as I finally took the time to meditate and breathe to be able to re-connect and not just as a means to relax the mind and body to get through the week.
You’re always there for me God, why don’t I remember that in the stressful times; remember that I can relax back into that awareness?
I just feel anxious lately. I feel like there is always something else I’d rather be doing. As expected (and needed) this Sunday morning Joel said something to get back on track.
This morning his topic was ‘it’s all good’. He spoke about how when troubling times come we may not be able to understand why the difficult things happen. We are to have faith because when we move past the trouble we will be sure to see how we grew and/or benefited from the trouble.
I nodded my head through most of what he said. I have seen in my own life how difficult times have enriched my life (like I wrote about last week). But, I just wasn’t able to see how just stressful, bothersome issues, like I currently have at work will aid me in my growth and well-being.
I even wonder at times if the current situation is just feeding my ego. The issues at work keep coming in at me like pitches from an automatic batting machine. They come in fast and I connect to resolve the issue. It is nice to have the experience and maturity to handle so much – will I become over confident and end up making a major mistake?
Joel didn’t let me down in understanding what my role is in this hectic life. He caught my attention in  the sermon that when he said, we can live knowing it will all work out well then we will bring that peace and understanding to others.
Yes! I don’t want to be part of the flow of stress and anxiety moving around my workplace. I want to stay in peace. I want to accept what is happening, take action on what I must, and let it move through.
I see now that I let myself get too caught up in the stress last week. I knew as it was happening by my inability to keep from venting and complaining about situations. At least I was aware and can now reflect on things to improve myself.
I realize I fell into the pattern of wanting to pass the stress onto others. I recognize my complaining to my peers and subordinates was to try to gain a bit of sympathy and to boost my ego. We all like to build a bit of drama – I usually avoid this so I am not too concerned.
What I did do that I don’t like, and want to change in the future, was my behavior with my supervisors. I feel like when the big burdens and stressors came I just had an unaware need to tell my supervisors to unburden myself. It is fortunate for them that they weren’t available every time I wanted to speak with them. I feel like I was just looking to them to dump the problem to make myself feel a bit better.
I feel bad now as I know I am able to handle most problems AND I know where I really should be looking to stay in Peace. It is not that I would not tell my supervisors, I would when the time was right to report instead of my looking to react as the news of each problem came into the office.
This behavior reminded me of the 4 traits in relationships that I learned reading Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, I wrote about this in my 2012 document. I learned how humans unknowingly control others by taking energy from them instead of getting energy from the Universal Source.  In overcoming our past we must recognize the behavioral traits we learn in youth from our up-bringing.  The book states that there are four traits used by humans to bring energy to ourselves.  They are:
The aggressor: who through yelling and criticism puts down others to take energy.
The interrogator:  who questions actions to find fault and then gains energy.
The poor me:  who complains of their woes for sympathy to take energy.
The aloof person:  who pulls away from others so they have to outreach to connect and give their energy.
So perhaps I wasn’t so much trying to dump negative energy that was draining me but trying to lift myself up by taking energy from my supervisor. I can see where feeling like I have his attention would make me feel better. Is this just ego or energy I wonder?
Anyway, as I wrote back in 2012, I know that I have an unlimited Source of energy so I can take the burden off of others.
The peace that passes understanding.
This is what I want – to remain peaceful within myself while all the activities of my day occur in my outside world.
I know I can do it. I know I can bring peace to others in all situations.
Dear Lord, let me bring your light with me and pass it along.

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