Sunday 2-14-16 Too many paths

Happy Sunday!
I feel very unfocused lately.
It is bitter cold outside this morning. The Sun is shining through the window into my office. I came in earlier to meditate here so the Sun could shine on me as I tried to have a good meditation. I didn’t get where I wanted to go.
I read some inspirational emails and reflective webpages. My mind just felt more clogged by different directions placed before me: Sufism, Catholicism, ACIM, LOA, spirituality, yoga. Which way is for me?
I found myself staring at the condensation on my window.  When I came in earlier to meditate the window was all frosted, crystalline etchings covering most of the glass. Now, as the time moves toward late morning, water droplets run down the glass and the areas that remain ice are now a smooth translucent film that hints at its momentary transformation into water.
Transformation that is what I seek!
The ease with which the water transforms is inspirational. I know when the answers come to the big questions they are always beautifully simple. I need to look at what I am doing in another way. I think there is too much: too many views, too many teachers, too many paths.
There is much grabbing my attention in my work life, home life, and spiritual life.  I’ve been making excuses to myself for my lack of focus in my meditations. Changes at home, busy-ness at work are reasons I give to go easy on myself. In the evenings I feel there is something else I should be doing as I sit in front of the TV.
Meditate Tricia!
This is where the trouble lies.  I am feeling confused.
I loved my meditations into my heart. I learned so much about myself and I formed my relationship with Jesus. My confusion comes from my current teachers of yogic tradition: Sadhguru and Yogananda. I get from Yogic meditation practice to focus on third eye instead of heart. I am pushing against this.
Part of me says I should be able to get where I want to go by staying in my heart, I love it there. It is mysterious, exciting, and comforting all at once. I find the meditations of the head to be a regimented process. Cerebral.
I admire the yogis I learned of from Yogananda and especially the living example Sadhguru. To me their Wisdom is from connection to Source through the head. I’ve heard it said a human can be enlightened through the head, the heart, or the solar plexus. In the yogis I sense ‘head’. Heart would be Mother Theresa, Amma, Dalai Lama. (I was going to say Jesus for heart but realized he was head as well. I also didn’t have an example for solar plexus but now think Jesus had it all so perhaps he is also the example for this. I am going to say his ability to control nature is the sign for this. I’m just sharing my thoughts but it makes some sense with the lower chakras being about the natural.)
I know the yogic path is where I am supposed to be right now. When I think about all I investigate, this feels best.
How did I get here? I tell myself that Jesus sent me this way but I don’t remember how?
Again, I am thankful for this blog.  I went back to see how I re-connected with Yogananda. It started with a lesson about devotion (11-15-15).
Devotion – I think this is the role for my heart.
Focus – this is the role for my head! It makes so much sense now. I look back over my week and see how I’ve been guided to this understanding.
Last Sunday at lunch we were talking about learning about ourselves and growing from relationships. One of my dear ones was speaking of the difficulty of growth so I was trying to say when you know everything is all lessons towards your growth towards God it makes it all feel easier. Then I said ‘narrow is the path.’
When I said it I felt really good, perhaps it was ego as I was quoting scripture so I hoped my loved one would take more notice of my words. More important though is that the words got my attention because I have not used them before and it felt really good. (Now I am not really even sure of where they came from and how they fit into the context of the conversation.)
A couple of days later the words came back to me.  I was watching Biggest Loser in which Bob Harper was speaking to the group he is training. He was praising the progress they had made and said, regarding their success with returning to health, that they narrowed the path by eliminating uncertainty.
A-HA! The narrow path is the elimination of uncertainty! This feels so right. Both Yogananda and Sadhguru speak of focus and clarity as key in meditation.
That narrow path seemed so elusive all my life; I could not even attempt what I thought Jesus was asking of us. I thought it was ultimate goodness, perfection! There was no chance I was ever going to get there.
But, to eliminate uncertainty, I can do that! I have strong Faith and I can eliminate doubt!
The gospels say that when Jesus healed others he would say it was their Faith that healed them – he didn’t say it was their goodness.
Another thing I gaze at in my office as I write is a small pyramid of colored crystal that I was given for Christmas by another dear one. The pyramid has seven color layers with purple at the top. When I received it I immediately recognized the symbolism in the colors for the seven chakras.
IMG_0269My pyramid is telling me something new today.
It comes to the narrow point at the top; all the chakra layers are feeding up into the narrow point, pointing upward. This tells me that I am not giving up something to take my focus from my heart chakra, or any other, but I am to take all that I am and give my attention to the one point.
Medulla oblongata. Yogananda says this is the point of our attachment to Source, the mouth of God.
I know Jesus lives in my heart. Perhaps God is in my head.
I am ready to release the struggle and meditate well.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. ~ Buddha”

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