“Christmas makes you feel emotional. It may bring parties or thoughts devotional.” Silver Bells by Livingston and Evans
Happy Sunday!
Or is it?  I don’t know!
I’ve been a bit snappy this morning – defensive.  I am snapping back at others, mostly Peter, for things not being the way I want.
All my conversations of the last few days have been about not being in the ‘Christmas spirit’.  It is easy to point to the weather and blame the warmth.  For me I know it is more.
I think I am defensive today as I am conflicted – there are things that I want to be doing, things I should be doing, and things that have to get done.
I want to make ME happy by finding time to meditate, pray, and write.  These are always the same desires I have, to continue to build stronger my connection to God.
My mind is working overtime.  It worries and creates problems saying that others are not happy this Christmas therefore it spins through ideas of solutions of things to do and/or buy to make every one of my loved ones happy.
So I am feeling guilty for not acting on ideas my mind has come up with based on problems it has come up with.  And I feel resentful that my time is not being spent in the way that I want.
Christmas brings with it so many expectations.  I think everyone is trying to recapture the ‘spirit’ they felt once when they were young and their family was all together.  Or, they are looking for that special something (feeling) that the holiday movies tell us is out there for all to find.
The advertisements we see in all of the media tell us that the happiness we seek can be found in purchasing of things: toys for children, expensive cars and electronics, food and drink. I think that what the elusive Christmas spirit is actually is connection.
This thought came to me yesterday when B. was telling me about an experience she witnessed this past week in a courtroom.  The whole courtroom broke down due to a mother speaking to her son who was being sentenced to jail.  I think her story caused everyone to feel their own personal loss of connection to those they love.  And, I thought that in our busy lives we tell ourselves that at Christmas time we will make the time for reconnecting with those we love.  How heart breaking it is when we don’t have the opportunity if situations separate us.

I feel better. I understand several things better now that I have written to reflect on what I feel.
Earlier I could not understand why I was defensive.  I knew it had something to do with defending my boundaries but I couldn’t see how.  Now I understand that I am doing lots of things that are not what I desire to do and that many of these things are just tasks I have created in my own mind thinking that they are things others want.
Also, through my realization that all everyone really wants for Christmas is connection, it frees me from the burden of tasks and spending to be able to give the best gift of all, my Self.
I know how to Love and be open hearted.
I know that the Holy Spirit will fulfill my gifts of connection that I choose to offer this Christmas season as I visit, call, mail, email, and Facebook with others.
I also see this reflection has given a gift back to me.  With the gift of devotion in Jesus Christ that is growing within me I am more aware and disturbed by the materialism that is promoted during this season.  Everyone is trying to sell me the best gifts to give to my loved ones.  This reflection makes me understand that the best gift I can ever give is my heart; by my giving it to others I extend the blessings of Jesus with it.
So Lord, I will shine the Christmas spirit.  I will be happy because that is my true nature when I allow myself to be a reflection of you.
So be it.
“nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” Matthew 5:16