Sunday 5-24-15 Why am I not writing?

“If man understood that “what I create has nothing to do with what anybody else is creating” then he wouldn’t be so afraid of what others are doing.” ~ Abraham
Happy Sunday!
I’ve been away on vacation now for a week with one week left until I head home.  It is a very relaxing vacation with family so I am not busy.  I brought along my iPad and laptop and have good access to Wi-Fi.
So why am I not writing?
Sorry Universe for not writing my blog last week; it is the first Sunday I missed since I began it in February 2013.
Why am I not writing?
I feel like anything I put down for reasons will just be excuses but as I have pages to fill and the action of writing to practice on I will let the thoughts out.
I don’t feel inspired. I feel disconnected and don’t have any insights or revelations coming to me.  I am peaceful as I am but not really happy.
My mind is active and my heart is quiet.  I notice my thoughts are seeing problems to solve, overly critical, and, unfortunately, judgmental.  Each night I have been having dreams of negative content so this is a sign to me that my mind is over active.  (Perhaps I am not so peaceful.  P. just told me I seem withdrawn.)
I feel a bit uncomfortable in spirit.  There are more negative influences around me in this place with lots of negative media.  I find the people to be more critical – nice but judgmental.  At least this is how I am choosing to perceive things.
Holy Spirit, how do I see this differently?
I feel a bit better already; my recollection of the tools of ACIM and then asking for help just raised my energy so that I feel connected again.
My mind felt it had to act alone to stay in alignment.  I forgot that I don’t have to act alone, I shouldn’t act alone, and I am never alone.
That’s one fear that can be let go of.  I turned over to HS my negative vision so I expect to see things clearer now.  There is another fear that I am holding onto.  That is my fear of being unkind. I feel like I am hiding my true self to be respectful and kind.  But how can I truly be kind if I am acting out a part? I am not giving of myself and recognize my judgment of others.
Where is acceptance? And Love?
Lord Jesus, help me with me.
I was given the vision to see others as children just looking for acceptance and connection.  For this I am grateful.
And what about me, where is my little girl? Not the good girl who wants to keep everything right and peaceful but the girl who brings in the light of her beingness.
Shake it off, this cloak of conformance, and be yourself Tricia!
What do I want?
I want to write.  Why am I not? Because I feel it will be wrong to go off by myself, to isolate myself.  Instead, I have isolated myself within.
I think it would be better to spend time alone doing what I want so that when I rejoin with others I am fully present.
Thank you Lord for the insight, I ask that there is more to come.
“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

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