Sunday 3-29-15 The Bear in the chair

“What the mind can conceive and believe, and the heart desire, you can achieve.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

Happy Sunday!

It has been several days since I entered my heart castle.  The bad news is I have let go of time for meditating – the good news is my writing is great, really flowing.
SO … this morning I wanted a good meditation with a rewarding journey into my heart.  I wasn’t disappointed but it was tough getting there.
I sat in the early morning sunshine streaming into in my office window and tried to slide right into my heart space. I just bumped into the wall. I recalled my ‘unity meditation’ and connected with Mother Earth and Father Sun. That felt good, especially with the sunshine on my skin and the light filling my head (the brightness behind the eyelids).  But, when I moved my focus down to my heart I still couldn’t enter.
I got a strong urge to lie down so I did.  I took time to breathe and feel my heart, focus on the beat, but still no luck.  Finally I recalled that things needed to be dark.  Even though I was enjoying the light in my eyes I realized this could be a distraction, keeping my focus in my head.  I pulled a sock from my yoga bag and covered my eyes.
I tried again. I brought my focus down into my throat chakra and got comfortable there.  I made my connection to Earth and Sun feeling the energy flow through me.  I then had the thought to take a light from Mom and Dad with me.  I tried again and this time entered my castle.  I let the lights of Mom and Dad fly off.
It seemed darker than usual in the castle grounds and I could not bring my garden into focus.  I walked through the castle to my golden room but it was also dark.  I extended my thoughts out to my Guru Jesus to ask “why is it dark?”
“You brought others with you?”
“Yes.” As I answered I became aware that I had brought them with me to act as witness for me, to validate me, and to be proud.
I understood it was dark because I was not shining for myself.  I doubted my worthiness again.
“Am I not supposed to bring others?” I asked.
“Look!” He said, “There are many chairs.”
It was true, my golden room lit up and I saw all the chairs that I had been curious about the last several weeks.  I never sit in them and I never thought to ask who they were for. I briefly saw all manner of creatures sitting in the chairs.
I had a big A-Ha!  I realized I was to use this space to come to acceptance for the bad traits I see in others. Just as last week I saw the skeletal figure of my own indifference and had to bring it into the light of acceptance, I need to view the things I see in others and bring them to acceptance.
The big emphasis is because this is what this lesson is all about: how I am to get to acceptance instead of pushing back against the parts of people I don’t like or that I interpret as wrong behavior in them.
So now I ask “How is this supposed to work?” “What is the process?”
In this moment I am feeling that there are beasts out there that I don’t want to look at. I am actually quivering thinking of what may lie between Peter and I.
I was going to move onto reflecting on an easier relationship but a door opened that relieved the fear.  I must remember I am just taking on my own beliefs.  I am just taking on the thoughts my mind holds that I can choose to change and release.  I am not taking on the changing of another person.
So some good tools to work through this process just came to mind.
From Bashar I have learned to question my beliefs therefore I can ask:  What belief do I hold about this?
And, from ACIM I learned to ask:  How can I look at this differently?
Yesterday there was an argument with Peter. I felt very hurt.
It is time to face the beast.
What belief do I hold about this? I believe he wants to put me down.
It is the bear that has come into my golden room.  I ask him about his fury.
And then I yelled at him, ‘why do you come to frighten me and my household?’
He replied ‘because you don’t love me’.
That was hard.
How can I look at this differently?
I asked for help to understand why I don’t love him. And, how do I love him?
I was made aware that I created him. Just as someone could call me a witch, bitch, or something else, I would not identify with that. Peter doesn’t identify with the bear; it is my creation, my belief.
So as my creation I have to love it; I birthed it.
So, now I place him in my heart. And, I know it will always make my love flow to encounter the bear again.
Welcome to the golden room of my heart Mr. Bear, pull up a chair.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.” ~ Joseph Campbell

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