Sunday 9-7-14 Blocked

“The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
Happy Sunday!
I wrote last week about trying to bring kindness into my authentic responses to others.  I find that I am still blocked to even move in this direction.
What do I mean by blocked?
In the past I have written about when I am dealing with relationships, and I am not seeing my own mistaken behaviour, I usually feel a pain such as when I wrote Heart Pain back on January 4th.  I’m not feeling that with my current situation, instead I am feeling confident with my actions.
There are a couple of reasons in my mind as to why this might be.  One idea is as I have been sick for a month now so perhaps it is the illness that has me being blunt and reactive instead of taking the time to consider my responses.
On Thursday I was feeling pretty good for most of the day at work.  I happened to overhear a conversation that brought a joke to mind.  Later that day I was speaking with those involved in the earlier conversation so I told my joke and got a good laugh.  I am mentioning this as it did feel odd to laugh and feel light moving around the office as it has been several weeks since I have felt that way.  So maybe this block to kindness is just my not being able to extend myself due to the illness.
I just don’t feel open hearted lately.
I had another thought though and it is related to law of attraction and the fact that you reap what you sow.
There have been a few short blow ups between Peter and I lately.  He makes a comment about his view, I state mine and hold firmly to it, then he leaves the room frustrated.  The odd thing that I am calling ‘my block’ is that I feel so firm in my position and unwilling to move.  Self confidence is a new thing to me so I don’t know if I am just going through a phase of strong will that I don’t want to cooperate or if I am unbending as Peter is getting a lesson on will or something related.
I can see my own lesson is that I am not practicing kindness during these altercations so I am not getting kindness back.
I have still been wondering if this is just my ego taking control putting negative thoughts into where I am at.  I did a bit of research this morning by listening to some Abraham-Hicks teachings regarding ego.  Interestingly, Abraham says to stop giving the ego a ‘bad wrap’.  He said that our ego/personality is our individual focus from Source Energy that allows us to manifest into form.  This is what allows us to perform our individual purpose for the expansion of All – without the ego we wouldn’t have these experiences in the physical!
So if ego isn’t bad then it is just a part of me that needs acceptance.  It is my individual self and I have my connected to Source self as well.
Later today I watched Oprah interview Paulo Coelho who said that when we die the one question God would ask us would be “did we Love well?”  I felt when hearing that question that my answer would be No. This response came from my awareness today that my heart seems blocked, that I don’t seem to be open to sharing and cooperation.
Another thought came to mind though before I fully went down the path of Self disparagement.  I thought perhaps I should ask God ‘who was I to Love well?’  (See … I am really feeling cocky!)
I thought that my Loving focus has been on myself and this is good.  Also, my Loving focus is on big picture ideas of giving my energy for positive evolution of humanity and Mother Earth.
Perhaps it is not my destiny to provide Love, Compassion, and service to individuals.
I really do want to Love well to All so I will keep taking action in that direction and then have faith that it will come.
“You are powerful beings with powerful energy flowing through you.”  ~ Abraham-Hicks

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