Sunday 12-15-13 Extending into Giving

“For it is in giving that we receive.” ~ St. Francis of Assisi

Happy Sunday!

I have a person at work with whom our relationship is growing into something new for me.  My role seems to be developing into something somewhere between mentor and Mom.  I am suppose to be “boss” so I am feeling awkward and confused at times that the topics we speak about go way out past work issues.  This week we have spoken a lot about health topics as he has not been feeling well but we have also begun to speak about spirituality.
I have felt from the time of the job interview that this person was brought into my life for a reason so I have been following my inner voice as how to respond and interact with him.   At the same time my ego mind is fighting these changes, wanting me to go back to hiding behind the wall of keeping work life and personal life separate.
A few times this week I have asked myself “what am I doing?  Do I really want a new relationship that will pull me into the struggles and worry of someone else’s life?”
Working relationships shouldn’t be about the personal stuff; just come in and do your job;  RIGHT?  There are all those subjects you are not supposed to talk about like religion, sex, politics to name the big ones.
I started thinking about where I had gotten these ideas from of keeping my distance from people at work.  I thought about when I started out in my early engineering jobs that I did have good friendships back then.  The people I was closest to were men and these relationships did not last past the jobs we did together.  I am now wondering if I have been keeping work relationships separate to avoid the hurt of the loss.
I had three men who I was very close to at different jobs in my twenties.   The first gentleman left the company we worked for to start his own business.  I had helped him find the work that got his business started so I was a bit hurt that I never heard from him again.
The second gentleman was a mentor to me and such a good person.  I think a lot about speaking with him again and I wonder why we did not stay in touch.  I was the one who left the job so I blame myself for not continuing the relationship.  I have had this idea in my head for years that after I didn’t have the working relationship with someone that what would I have to talk about with them.  I also know that this also ties into my not feeling worthy in the past and feelings of why would they want me interrupting their lives.  Also for me, I admit, that it was just easier to not have to work at keeping the relationship going.  I do recall when I left this job that he took me out to dinner with his wife and another couple we worked with.  This shook me up at the time, that with his wife there, I wasn’t getting the attention I was used to.  It was a tough lesson to realize that I wasn’t as special as I thought I was to him; there were others who were more important.
The third gentleman was also married and I still single.  We worked together and were friends.  The job was high pressure so when deadlines were met, lots of drinking and parties happened.  This relationship did not last past the job (I was laid off) and that was probably for the best as I had a sexual interest in him and he was such a company man, we probably didn’t have anything to speak of past the work that would have been good for either of us.
So I have gone several decades with just work relationships, being able to leave the office and not have those people to add to my worries and expectations of those I care about.
Am I ready to open up to someone new?
This is a new role that I have not done before.  How does one mentor?  How involved do you get in the other person’s life?  How far do you let them into your life?  How do I have this more personal role and still be the boss and keep my team productive?
These are some really good and practical questions that I can ask of my loved ones who have done counseling work.  But, I am after the higher level answers as well.
So Holy Spirit I am asking “Why has he come into my life?  What am I to learn from this?”
ACIM gave me some insight this morning.  It spoke of how we cannot truly know Love and Light until our brother receives these from us.
“Make way for love, which you did not create, but which you can extend.  On earth this means forgive your brother, that the darkness may be lifted from your mind.  When light has come to him through your forgiveness, he will not forget his savior, leaving him unsaved.  For it was in your face he saw the light that he would keep beside him, as he walks through darkness to the everlasting Light.”  (29:III:4)
So I ask today Lord for you to continue to guide my words and actions to help this person who it seems you have asked me to help.  Help me to keep my ego in check that I don’t get caught up in my own importance and get involved in what is not for me.  Help me to extend myself outside of my comfortable place.
Also Lord, help me to learn and appreciate the lesson ahead, as Kahlil speaks of below:
“I slept and I dreamed that life is all joy. I woke and I saw that life is all service. I served and I saw that service is joy.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
I accept the gift.

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