Sunday 4-7-13 Going Home

Happy Sunday!
My Mom says she wants to go home.
Throughout the years of Mom’s illness with normal pressure hydrocephalus (NPH), when she has had confusion, paranoia, or hallucinations they have always been about her location being away from home.  Lately she seems aware of family, people at the assisted living, and even celebrities and TV shows, but every time you take her out she asks where she is going home to.
Last Sunday an old episode of the Oprah Show was aired on OWN and the subject was dying and incidents observed by the loved ones of those dying.  Two hospice nurses were on the show as experts having written a book about the experiences of the dying.  One nurse spoke of how there is the request to go home by most patients especially those with mental issues.  Surprisingly, as she did research on those dying at home they made the same request.  The show gave many instances of the dying speaking of joy and pleasure as they returned home to heaven, as their bodies took the last few breaths.
This past Wednesday I visited Mom and found that she was very concerned, she had this awareness of needing to go home but she also said she knew that the assisted living was her home.  Of course what I heard on Oprah was on my mind, perhaps Mom was preparing to return to heaven!  I didn’t say anything about my thoughts and I instead blamed her confusion on the NPH and we talked about that.
As always God sent guidance, on Friday my ACIM Lesson 182 was on “I will be still an instant and go home”.  This lesson spoke on how we all are yearning to return home to be with our father to be in the essence of his eternal love.  If we quiet ourselves we can capture moments of peace and feel at home with him.  The entire time I read this I was thinking of Mom and I just knew I had to read this lesson to her.
Many times over the years I have brought books to Mom hoping that uplifting novels, and more recently spiritual teachings, would give her life some meaning and purpose.  I don’t like admitting this but I have wondered for a long time why she is here.  God had brought her through some tough ailments and in many ways her health is better than it was a decade ago. I have thought many times that maybe she still has lessons to learn and perhaps I can bring her something to help her work through them; that is why I have brought her reading materials, only to be disappointed to take them back a few months later because she hadn’t read them.
In the last year, most visits with her I find that I walk away shaking my head in confusion as her life in many ways matches the spiritual lessons I am working through.  Mom lives in the present.  Mom doesn’t worry about having things or about appearances.  She can see through the nonsense of society.  She is honest and truthful.  She is kind.  She says she prays a lot and connects with Dad and family.  She is just being.  Lately I just tell myself she is the elder and knows what I don’t.
Now my intuition was telling me to read this lesson to her.  I felt hesitant and didn’t trust myself to carry it out.
So today’s visit I brought my ACIM in the car with me.  I had the intension of getting to Mom’s early to read the lesson; I didn’t.  I hid the book in the console so I wouldn’t have to discuss why it was there while we drove to lunch with Barbara and Paul.  As we got out of the car after lunch and said our good-byes to Paul, I said to myself that I would leave the book in the car.  We started wheeling Mom in the door and she said her usual statement “I can’t believe I live here.”  I just had to stop and run back and get the book.  As I walked back to Mom and Barbara I asked the Holy Spirit for help.  My nervousness was because I felt I had to substantiate why I was bringing her this lesson and I knew I had no idea why.
As usual the Holy Spirit did his part.  Barbara, Mom, and I shared a good discussion about feelings of home and heaven.  Mom said when she thinks of going home she thinks of returning to Jesus.  I read the lesson and just stated honestly that I felt guided to read the lesson and that I hoped Mom found something in it for herself.  As I looked at her I sensed that may be just knowing that everyone has this yearning to return home to God and that would bring her peace knowing she wasn’t on her own.  I just want her to be happy and peaceful where ever she finds her home to be.
I surrender this to you Lord.

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