Happy Sunday!
In May I purchased the book “The Body Code” by Bradley Nelson. With my interest in kinesiology, I was very excited when Regina Meredith interviewed him and I learned of his energy healing modality. I began reading the book in earnest, but I quickly learned that there was work to do with heart walls (long time energy blocks in our field from our past experiences as well as ancestral injuries and beliefs). I felt strong resistance inside and put the book down. Thankfully, I followed my guidance and took the book on holiday with me.
Because of ACIM lesson 190, on July 9th, I got pulled in to do some deep work on myself. During my reflection on “I choose the joy of God instead of pain”, I realized that I had a block to joy. There was no turning away from my need to do the inner work. I knew the problem. I had the tools (the book) to work it out and release it.
That began my journey of the last two weeks. On the 9th, when I asked HS which groupings of emotions I had blocks to (forming my heart wall), nearly every emotion on the ‘Emotion code’ table came back positive. Since then, I have been going through each grouping, one group a day. I had some major revelations on the 9th about abandonment in my field from my own experiences but, more significantly, my ancestral line. This work helped me to understand my block to joy. (I hope to share this experience in this blog one day when it doesn’t feel so raw.) The recent poems I have posted are what has come through me upon new revelations about stuck emotions within me.
Today, I worked on a grouping of emotions that included humiliation, jealousy, and lust. As I finished clearing the blocks, I had hoped another poem would come, but instead it seems to be a lesson to be shared.
Humiliation
As I muscle tested and found humiliation was stuck in my field, no thoughts of specific past experiences came to mind (as thoughts usually do). I tested to find the age of the occurrence and found it to be my whole life. This brought to mind the only one logical answer … I am humiliated by myself. It came to me immediately that I don’t love myself. I thought further about this and broke things down: body, mind/ego – no; spirit, soul – yes. I thought about the self-confidence I found in the past decade and realized that I had learned to accept my self, but I still do not love my self.
Jealousy
With this emotion, when I muscle tested, I again found it was present my whole life and not about an event. “I am jealous of everyone as I think that they have this world figured out”, I wrote in my notes. I saw that we are all the same, struggling to understand this life; that I am not special with my thinking that it just me struggling in this crazy world.
Lust
Again, the test showed it was an emotion covering my whole life. I thought about what I desired for years and heard ‘validation, corroboration’, so I knew it was a desire for connection. What else would lust be? We all seek connection so desire may mean many different things to different people as we try to attract each other’s attention.
Love
My deep dive into these three emotions came back to a lack of love. But God is Love, we live in a universe of Love, how can we be separated from it? I could clearly see that every emotion we feel (and hold) is a call for Love. I’ve heard this said but now could truly see it. I also saw how we are all the same, very connected in our mis-perceptions.
Like I said, I hoped a poem would come from me as I released these emotional blocks. Not this time as there was no personal experience to provide the setting. This was too complex. Instead I wrote the beginning of a prayer in my notes but it did not advance.
God, what does Love look like?
I thought, ‘Lord, help me to understand Love?’ I sensed there was a problem with my request. The line from the Introduction to ‘A Course in Miracles’ entered my mind.
“The course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love, for that is beyond what can be taught. It does aim, however, at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence, which is your natural inheritance.”
I’m not meant to understand Love. Can a fish understand the ocean that surrounds it and gives it life?
Don’t fight the current. Instead, go with the flow.
The Course gives me all the lessons to remove the blocks. Every day it tells me who I really am. I am a Holy Child of God, created in the image of my Source. Love created me. I am Love. Time to get it — receive it and give it!
“Herein lies the peace of God.” (And the joy!)