Happy Sunday!

I miss those meditations that I wrote of years back where I focused on my heart and had visions of the castle within my heart. I built the framework for these visions from what I learned of the heart center from Drunvalo Melchizedek, Living in the Heart, and Caroline Myss, Entering the Castle. This past Monday, while in meditation, I had reason to return to my heart castle. This made me feel happy.

The vision.

While in meditation, the image of a shadowy, twisted man appeared in my vision. For milli-seconds the image would transform into a growling wolf. From the wolf I sensed great anger while from the man I sensed that he was mentally handicapped or severely autistic.

The image of the angry wolf reminded me of a guided meditation that I followed several years ago, led by Sonja Grace. In it we were to imagine each chakra as a totem animal and then sense what they were feeling. We were to give them gifts of food to settle the totem animals so they could then give us messages for our growth and healing. In the guided meditation my root chakra was and an angry wolf.

I considered what I could feed the being that was presenting to me as man and wolf. I gave him a large, fresh carrot. This settled the wolf down. Next, I wanted the man to be coherent so he would speak with me.

“Perhaps a drink”, I thought. I wanted to give him something tasty as well as healthy. I gave him a mango lassi. (My son when he was about 12 would tell people that mango lassi could bring world peace. Lol.)

It worked!

His body un-twisted and his mind became coherent. I asked him what his message was for me. He told me that he was CONTROL.

I knew I was in trouble. I’m a self-declared control addict. Back in January 2020, I even worked on the 12-step process to help me (never made it through all of the steps ☹).

From my study of the Enneagram over the past year, I learned that I am a type One, perfectionist. Knowing this reinforced for me that my personality needs to control. In my personal and professional life, to support my perception of what is perfect, I have just done things myself rather than TRUST others to take care of something. This way I would get the product I felt was correct.

My perfectionist self never seems satisfied with what others come up with so better to just do it myself!

For me, the big lessons of 2021 have been that the changes were necessary to my understanding of being a mother. Now, I am mother to two adults. Control has no place in these relationships now.

Back to the vision …

At first I didn’t know what to do with this encounter, I feared the challenge of facing my CONTROL reptile. (Reptile being the term from Caroline’s book for the parts of ourselves that we need to resolve. Mine look more like giant rats who walk upright.) I know that these shadow beings are based on false beliefs that I need to question.

How can I look at this differently?

Knowing that there is good and bad in everything, I tried to think of a good side to being controlling. It came. I had the thought of being able to control urges (for me this would be grabbing for chocolate when my tummy is already upset). I also thought of when I use control to not say negative words to someone just because my mind is having an immediate bad reaction. This is FORTITUDE and a gift of the Holy Spirit!

Having fortitude is something I have been proud of for years … self-control, will-power, mindfulness. All these attributes we strive for as we seek to become mature adults. I also love that in one of her books, Anatomy of the Spirit I think, Caroline correlated the 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit with the 7 chakras. Fortitude was at the heart chakra!

Entering the Castle

I knew the man needed to live in my heart castle as Fortitude instead of outside of me as Control. I lifted him up to cuddle him like a small child. He resisted my embrace showing that he wanted to remain strong as a man. So, I became large enough to be 20 times his size and he scrambled to sit up on my shoulder.

In my meditation, we went through my throat chakra and down toward my heart. Arriving in my heart space, I felt pleased to see my castle was still a towering, vast, cathedral like structure. (When I began these visions, the castle was dark and small medieval type like Bodium Castle. As I grew spiritually, it grew in size as well as in brightness.) I noticed that the castle and sky around it was dark.

We walked through the front gate and down the corridor to the back where my golden room is. Here is where I keep the resolved parts of myself. The golden room was not shining as it should. (I must have more work to do here.)

I welcomed the man into my inner room. I asked him to signal me when I am being controlling and manipulative. I gave him permission to use ‘heart pain’ if necessary to alert me if I’m not being mindful.

Before I left, he pointed out to me that the room was dark. I noticed that my divine child self was not present. There have been a few things that came up this week that tell me that I need to spend time with my inner child.

Blessed Sunday! XXX

(Post restored 4-25-22)