January 12

The month is flying by. Good thing … so far not seeing much improvement over 2020. 🙁

Feeling humble … a bit low. Events of 1-6 have shown me that thinking I know anything of what may be going on in the world is just not true. I know nothing really. I have been getting some light fed into my spirit by reading Jan Karon books the last few weeks. A few of Fr. Tim’s prayers that have resonated with me are:

Thy will be done.

In everything … give thanks.

_/\_Thy will be done. This has gotten me back into alignment this last week.

Cognitive dissonance is very real – I can attest to this.

This evening in meditation I reflected on how I miss the days when I would go into my heart castle and wonderful revelations would come to me as visions. I let my mind wander and I had the image of of a dark shadow being rises before me. It was dark brown, almost rocky and smoky at the same time. As it got larger I got larger and stared it down. I told it I would not fear it. My perception was thru my own eyes so I didn’t see myself but I felt I was a glowing light being. The shadow tried to harden into a more solid scary shape but to me it looked like a ‘reptile’ (rat like) from my heart castle days. I had the memory of appreciating my reptiles for all they had taught me of myself. There was gratitude, compassion, and perhaps a bit of love. The shadow rock being broke apart leaving a light gray cloud. I asked AA Michael to take what was needed to go to the light and also for help for me, for the parts that were me and needed to remain.

I then asked what had happened to my castle. I saw a minuscule stone castle way below me, smaller than the size of my foot. I’ve had a sense for a while that I am past those visions and lessons. As I had expected that there were more shadow parts of me to uncover and places in the chairs of my golden room to still fill. I know I am feeling bad just because I had this expectation.

(Conversation with HS begins.)

I don’t see the growth with my life these days. I have been feeling resentful, rebellious, entitled, and not very loving lately. I am not loving well so where is the growth?

~so much effort you put in everyday. Your intentions are so strong to grow yourself and to help others. But still you try to use the things of this world to achieve what you seek. They are not of this place.

Where do I find them?

~Heart. (On 1-1-21 I was given my ‘word of the year’ as ‘heart’.)

Please help me with this. If it is a tool, how do I use it?

~Like … everything. 

Don’t I do this now when in PollyAnna practice mode?

~Yes. More of it. Good and bad in everything. Continue to point out the bad is not you. Find the good. Speak the good.

For example, with P, if I have a different perspective on politics I feel I have to have researched the proof. I don’t want to have to work that hard. I don’t think I need to be an intellectual to be more loving.

~Correct. Better example needed. They are people. They need love. What might their intentions be? What is logical with regards to their intentions? Logic that serves the heart.

The information I got today on mercury in children’s jabs, how can that be expressed from the heart, with regards to the pharmaceutical companies?

~Their main intention was the profits and well being of the corporation. They chose to put their attention on this and block the thoughts of the injuries. Easy to say that few get hurt, statistics instead of children and families that suffer.

That hurts so bad. How do we do this? Not see or feel the pain that our decisions cause others?

~Many blocks formed over many generations of suffering. You evolved by surviving, stepping past the pain.

…and over the bodies.

Is there benefit to keep looking at the pain of the past, also retribution, apologies, etc? I am thinking of past life regressions. Yes, I know the information gained helps to release many physical, emotional, and mental blocks, traumas, and behaviors. So society needs to do the same?

~Yes.

Do we all need to look at it or just certain individuals? (Thinking of episode of chopped today where chef kept saying he cooked to speak for his ancestors who didn’t have a voice (as slaves).)

~Everyone has a role. You do not have to relive the pain they bring up but you need to honor their journey. Compassion and gratitude for the work they are doing to help the whole.

In everything … give thanks.

Just like you, they need to see their shadow and stand before it with no fear. There are great efforts underway. Recognize them. Honor them. Give thanks, “thanks you for what you undertake as I know it benefits us all.”

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I thank you. I love you (Ho’oponopono mantra) … very powerful related to these thoughts.

January 14

I am watching Brendan Bouchard at a Hay House Writer’s Workshop. His presentation is definitely motivating me. What I am learning that I want to document here is that we are the generators of our own motivation. I am like every example that he mentions in that I wait for the motivation, for that energy to come in to take action. I know I am an energy being submerged in a field of loving energy. I just need to choose to take in all that surrounds me.  I will bring the joy. I will choose to set my own intentions to be of the highest good.

I am the Light. I am the Love. I am the Truth. I am!