Happy Sunday! This is Conversation 19 with my Higher Self.

I have a question to reflect on today. Am I a racist? I am hearing a ‘yes’.

All week, in my mind, I have been defending the President who is being called a racist. As the week has gone on I have begun to question if I know what ‘racist’ means. Would I be able to see it in myself?

Definitions can be manipulated to suit the situation.

My mind is wandering to all that is going on in the news but I want to stay away from the public situations and use this just as the tool to get to my reflection this morning. Things in my awareness that are prompting this are:

• Last night I watched Brene’ Brown lecture on Netflix. She said that there is no love without vulnerability. I know that I block vulnerability;
• This morning Fr. Rohr spoke on unity (homily from May 2019). Learning to love everything before being able to love God.

All of this is showing me that my beliefs about myself, that I’ve done ‘my work’, that ‘I’m good’, are not right. I’m not there yet. I need to find compassion for other’s feelings and love better.

Go easy on yourself. There are always more lessons. Also, this week you looked back on your past blogs and could see how far you’ve come. Appreciate what these new feelings are bringing up.

Yes. I feel my energies rising. I realize I don’t have to see this for the purpose pointing out my faults. I accept this with gratitude for what it is – a nudge to bring my attention to the next lesson. Now I’m excited! To love better! Where do we start?

Your question?

I thought about re-wording it but I think it should stay (am I a racist?). I feel within it there is some understanding about the feelings and thoughts of others. Am I a racist?

You can start reflecting …

Yes. I group cultures, see them as separate, and judge them; racist?

Perhaps

Ok. I’ll look for a definition to compare to. Merriam-Webster, racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial difference produce an inherent superiority of a particular race.

Well, that’s certainly not me!

Glad you see it.

So why the perhaps?

What was your belief?

That it was just racist to see those from other cultures {not races} as separate. Yeah, I suppose the separating thoughts are move ‘culturism’ then racism.

Different tribe.

This is old stuff once again, is it not?

Yes, and current programming, and just personal preferences.

So I’ll go through my thoughts on each here:

• Past: survival response of the past to fear others who are different,  such as warring tribes;
• Programming: avoid those who are different as they could bring new ideas, or thoughts, that could unsettle the community. The goal being to keep everyone contributing to the group as expected, everything moving smoothly, everyone comfortable.
• Personal preference: here I think about my own thoughts about groups that I didn’t like, their music (loudness) their clothes, the way they speak.

Makes you uncomfortable.

Yes, why should they invade my peace?

Where is your peace?

Inside, so yes, I know now that I choose to have my peace disrupted.

You disrupt it, not them.

Yes, my thoughts, what I make up in my mind – the story I tell myself. I am feeling now that peace is not really what I want anymore.

Good.

You’re happy about this change?

Yes, very much so. Time to engage.

Time to engage with others, life, you, multi-dimensionals, what?

All, but start with those closest to you.

This is where Brene’s vulnerability pep talk comes in. I’m not feeling ready to be vulnerability.

It is where joy lies. {as Brene’ said}

Open my heart … I don’t feel ready. I am thinking that this means talking about all this stuff I’ve learned, as it is what excites me.

Perhaps not. Being present. Loving just the times together. Love the presence (of the Other) like you find with the Sun, Earth, trees. Connect to the spirit and the physical moment will reflect that.

Help me to utilize this in my life. I feel I will walk away from this desk and not use these wonderful tools. Please nudge me.

We will.

Each person is a blossom. Why don’t I remember this when out there?

Too many years of not.

Please nudge, even yell! LOL! I want to do better. I want to show love better but I know I have asked this many times before on the pages of this blog.

And you do. Don’t drop energies once again thinking of what you are not, there is always more. Always the desire for the next rung on the ladder as a seeker.

I just thought about how much I want to have open conversation with friends and I just feel sad, I don’t see it happening. So much is hidden inside of me.

Find the group to share with.

I don’t know how to do it. I’m afraid of the effort to go out, being with other ‘crazy’ people, and of the unknown … just making myself vulnerability.

Where does joy come from?

Brene’ said this can’t be done on your own.

So very true.

I can’t work on vulnerability without getting out there. {True} The thing I see to bring me joy will be sharing what I’ve learned and my experiences. {True} I’m afraid.

Courage, Dare Greatly, get in the game.

OK, I’m sensing this goes back to last week now – the Game. That awareness and experience was one of the major events of my life and yet I haven’t been able to tell anyone. (weepy)

You must.

I’ve been feeling all week like I can’t hold onto it, the experience, I keep re-reading what I wrote.

Now what do you think?

That it is not about the words. It was the experience. The opening up to the greater view of the role that was (I) accepted in the game/play that has been acted out for the past few millennia. Male dominant; female less; Doing more important than being.

Physical more important than spiritual. It is what this place/density is about – to experience. If everyone was focused on spiritual, being woo-woo in their heads, what would have been created, achieved by the hand of man.

I am thinking now of the ‘supposed’ abilities, through spirit, of past societyies of Atlantis and Lemuria. They created through their minds by manipulating matter.

Not the same lessons as not the same effort. (Now) More density, more challenges, more to overcome to get to the big A-ha that you experienced. Great lessons that open the door to greater understanding, greater appreciation.

And now we are moving on?

Yes, more balance – appreciation for the efforts of the human. More skills, more confidence in abilities. And, the choice of when to manifest through spirit or through effort – powers of female energy or male energy. Both are wonderful!