“A man filled with earthly knowledge – and what he calls learning is often only the knowledge of names and forms – has no capacity for the knowledge of truth or God. It is the innocent and pure soul who has a capacity for learning.” ~ 3-25-16 Bowl of Saki, Hazrat Inayat Khan 
Happy Sunday and Happy Easter!
Another Lent and Holy Week has passed and once again I am not disappointed in the growth and lessons that have come to me. I really enjoyed the daily messages from Matthew Kelly in his Best Lent Ever series of emailed videos (dynamiccatholic.com) which I have mentioned in the last few blogs. On Good Friday I stuck with my ritual of watching Jesus Christ Superstar and had a new ‘A-HA!’ (With tears and all …)
I watched the film (the 2000 DVD of the play) and felt my usual affinity with Judas. In my mind I placed each of the disciples in different social groups, like the ones I remember from High School. Judas was the intellectual type, Peter a jock, Simon Zealot the rebel/trouble maker, and there were others who were nerds and timid boys.
As Jesus’s story played out the other disciples reacted to all the events occurring, they fought, ran, and cried, but Judas stood just to the side of events with the smug look that said ‘yes, this is all as I expected’.
This is how I managed life. I portrayed myself as smart, educated, able to predict and understand what was happening. But, when there were things that I became aware of that didn’t fit into my understanding I was able to ignore their existence. It was a small life and one that I believed I controlled to keep myself safe.
The intellectual who believes she has it all figured out. This is what I saw in the Judas portrayal.
Every time I look at you I don’t understand why you let the things you did get so out of hand. You’d have managed better if you’d had it planned. ~ Judas during the Last Supper scene.
The Last Supper scene ends with Judas saying this to Christ after they yell back and forth and Jesus screams at him to leave to betray. The scene got to me because as Judas said these words to Jesus he grabbed his arms and slowly slid down Jesus’ body; Judas coming to his knees and moaning the last notes with his chin against Jesus’ ankle.
My thoughts were, “there, let it go, let it go.”
Part of me was still wishing for a different outcome for Jesus but mostly I was praying for Judas to release his ego. He was there, laid low at the feet of Christ.
“Just surrender!” I yelled at him in my mind. Then the tears came.
Judas stood and walked away. He could not release his ego to see All That Is outside of his belief system.

I ask to be different. I’m ready to let it go. Help me Lord to let it go.
First thing Saturday morning Peter and I had a small blow-up with each other. I thought I was in the right but I stayed mindful of releasing my belief and pushed for us to talk it through. My rightness was insignificant to what I was wrong about, my lack of kindness. I still feel humbled.
My prayer to the Holy Spirit is to keep me mindful of my ego mind so I can continue to release beliefs and not miss MY opportunity to surrender to Christ.
Joel’s Sunday message was about being grateful for the difficult people that come against us. Joel spoke of people who fought against him that inspired him to strive for more. He spoke of Goliath’s role in lifting David up to become King. Joel then mentioned Judas’ role in Jesus’ journey. He said we should be thankful for Judas playing the role he did so Jesus could open up the potential for salvation to us all. The audience responded to his saying this, I’m just not sure if it was in agreement or opposition.
Forgiveness. It’s what will heal us and heal the world.
Perhaps others will think me mad for associating myself with Judas. I see it as growth – to be able to see myself in another is compassion.
I pray for you Judas as I pray for all souls – release to be in the Love and well-being of Christ.
God Loves us all.
Namaste’
“Lines have no meaning for a being lost in Love.” ~ Sadhguru