“He’s gonna recommend me to the spirit in the sky.”  ~ song lyrics by Norman Greenbaum

Happy Sunday!

During my writing last Sunday I became confused and entered into a conversation with God that changed everything.
As I was writing about Christianity and Jesus I was trying to resolve in my mind my knowledge of eastern spirituality with the Christian perspective of Jesus as the path.
The thoughts of trying to understand the specialness of Jesus confused me; how did it fit with my understanding that we are all One, that Christ Consciousness is home to all of us equally?
I took a break from my writing to go to lunch as this confusion was disturbing me and wouldn’t let me conclude my work.  While driving in the car I thought to myself “I need to go deeper”.  A mile further down the road I suddenly spoke outwardly to Jesus, “Why are you more special than I am?”
He responded, “I am not”.
The shock of both my question (I didn’t know where it came from) and the response I received really scared me.  I tried to continue in the conversation but I could feel I would start crying so I asked permission to think on it for a while.  Marianne Williamson’s quote about our greatest fear being about how great we are came to mind (see ending quote).  How do you move into that?
I was aware that at lunch that I was quiet and a bit shut down, still in shock I think.  While driving back home I was still trying to have my mind break through the idea of being Christ-like.  I need a Guru I thought; that is the way in eastern mysticism that the student advances.
While cooking dinner I was still thinking of Jesus and my earlier connection.  Somehow a lightness came through and I felt peaceful after being disturbed most of the day; I realized that Jesus is my Guru.
“I am taking him back” is the thought that entered my mind.
I realized that I had been feeling for a very long time like Jesus had been taken away from me by those who use his words to control others.  I have been holding onto bitterness toward Christian religions and it was time to let it go.
I am taking him back.  Jesus, be with me.  Be the love and light of the world.  Be the conduit through which I can learn to be that light as well!  Amen.
That evening I caught up on Oprah’s Sunday programming for my soul.  Bishop TD Jakes made a great analogy on “Lifeclass”, he used an apple.  The skin and the meat of the apple are the things we need to strip away to get to our core.  We can get to our core by cutting it away or rotting it away.  The core holds the seeds of greatness that God has put in us to bear fruit in this world.
His analogy struck a chord for me as I have wondered why all this understanding is flowing to me without my suffering some tragedy to be broken open.  He is saying that by my choice and action I am cutting away to reveal my seeds of greatness (and enjoying the fruit as I go) instead of being asleep as the fruit rots causing suffering the pain of that rot.
I am special; I hold those precious unique seeds within me that God put there.  I mustn’t be afraid to nurture them and let them grow.  Bishop Jakes said even if I am afraid of my greatness I need to do it anyway.  What am I going to nurture fear or fruit?
On Sunday I supported a younger family member in working on her creative endeavors and I was surprised to see tears come to her eyes because of my support.  After seeing Bishop Jakes I wondered if there has ever been a time when society as a whole gave support and nurturing to children to let them be who they are, to let their gifts bear fruit.  For generations it seems that we have been raised to do what was necessary to survive; just provide food and shelter to oneself and family.  The pressure to conform had to be even worse for Mom and Dad’s generation and for my grandparents; they had to fight wars not only for individual survival but survival of their nation. Thank you Lord for their gifts.
Is it time for a generation that can learn to let their light shine so that they can model the same to their children? What potential is possible for our future!
Monday morning I awoke and read through Lesson 7 with Rick Warren, “the Purpose Driven Life”; it was awesome! Rick’s words had me giving my life over to Jesus.  The lesson was on glorifying God by living up to our purpose with joy and delight.  What a building block to step upon from my writing of God’s Will the day before as well as my conversation with Jesus.
Monday I accepted Jesus back and I found the Love I have been trying to feel for months.  Hugs and words of love to my family that have been stuck inside of me flowed out.  I accepted so much more now, everything I learned looking at various aspects of Jesus are true but the mind cannot provide explanation for what only the heart can understand and speak – Jesus is Love.
I was crying as I drove to work as the new growth on the trees moved me.  The lyrics to a song that suddenly I heard differently moved me and brought tears to my eyes.  When I got to the office I still had the tears in my eyes and I felt tired, emotionally spent; my ego self was wondering if anyone would notice.  As I walked the stairs I realized this wasn’t me any longer, looking to be noticed to feel special.  I knew I had the Source of energy in Jesus.  I threw my shoulders back and went to my office to handle the work of the day with grace and a smile.
“Jesus, I believe in you and receive you.”  Rick’s prayer of transformation.
Guru means to me a teacher of spirit in the eastern traditions.  These traditions say that a guru is required to advance spiritually.  Perhaps God has upped the game for us westerners and gave us his son Jesus as teacher, greater needs due to an expanding population and the need to learn required a greater more efficient teacher.  Different methods but all so wonderful!
I still have questions to continue my understanding of Jesus and the greatness within each of us.  Monday night the song “I believe I can fly” was sung on ‘the Voice’.  During that day, along with the joy came doubts; they ran through my mind that perhaps I am going insane – that this new reality for me is perhaps insanity.  The song said to me that I am not alone; awareness of greatness is experienced by others.
And, Jesus is back in my life.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”