“… we are a culture of productivity and efficiency, not terribly patient or even open to growth. God is clearly much more patient—and, finally, much more effective, patiently supporting our inner transformation through all of life’s transitions.” ~Richard Rohr, CAC Daily Meditations, 4-30-2023.

Yesterday we went to a family party. It was an hour-long drive, which we took the backroads across 3 counties. We drove along miles of roads in which I had been involved in designing in my 30 years as a road engineer. At the gathering, the family wanted to know how retirement was going. I’ve resolved on letting go of talking of all the plans I’d made to accomplish things and to just say that I’m finding it difficult. My loved ones thought that I should be excited when I wake up to see what I can make of the day. I explained that my mind is full of feelings that I should be doing something.

I used to be somebody.

As we dove home along the same familiar roads, I came to see that all my bothersome thoughts were about the past. I found that there was no one to share talk of my past achievements with who would really care. Once, seeing all my work out in the world gave me some importance. I knew important people and of future project plans that others did not know. Now that is over.

This morning, as I said my morning prayers, thoughts of my granddaughter filled my heart. I realized that I am important to many people — my family and friends.

I’ve come home.

The hero’s journey came to mind, so I related it to my life. I’ve had my independent time out in the wilderness, which for me was my work career — making something of myself. I was a success, as I believed our society expected this of me. (Was it for worthiness, being a good girl, perfectionism, pleasing my parents … who knows?)

It is a time of transition. I have returned home, bearing the gifts that I have gained from my journey.

Dear Lord, I am ready to be here and now with the people I love. Please help me to open my heart and be the loving presence that, the journey that You led, enriched me with Your gifts to share.