Conversation 21 with my Higher Self

Dear She/Lord: today help me to be in the flow. Thank you for the sparks of insight. Help me to move past the feeling of loneliness when I find I am not able to share the things I want to share with those I love.

I hear you talking … asking why can’t I share? I just don’t get the responses … I expect.

There is your answer.

I want to share and then to be rewarded with the other ‘getting’ or understanding the same as I do from the material or media I wish to share. It comes back to that I still want outside validation.

No dear, you want connection. Do not fall back to victim thinking that you are less, unworthy, or looking for validation of Self from others. It is not that. You need others: like minded, your tribe.

Where is it?

You really need to want it and you’re not there. You are still in the place (belief) that you are OK by yourself – that has worked to allow you to advance to this place but NOW needs more.

Am I looking outside to serve others or to join others for my connection to be able to continue my seeker’s path?

… limiting yourself with the question to limit the response.

Caught! There is still fear here. Fear of others.

Name it all and argue it.

Fear of others as equals, my tribe. Are they really out there? I feel like I will be judgmental to others in the group if they are too ‘woo-woo’, ‘airy-fairy’ and just not right. I might see their beliefs as more or less than mine as there is such a vast array of interests for spiritual seekers.

How can you know? If you request the guidance to the right group why can’t you trust it is right?

That’s the issue. If I do see and judge something as different to me and then add the thought that I was guided here I might change who I am and that wouldn’t be right.

Discernment … there it is. You will need to use the tools you’ve learned. This time alone has been in preparation. Don’t doubt that. Know that you are ready to use your tools.

There is another fear that I will fall back to … old habits. For example, on Friday night I argued with Peter. He said I said something in the past that I strongly felt I did not. I felt I could not let it go.

Evidence to use your words carefully, properly. Say what you think and feel. Don’t abbreviate or use phrasing just for wit.

(I received the understanding that Peter may have understood something different then what I had felt just because I had used a witty catch phase instead of saying just what I was thinking and feeling. I chose to be brief and come off as intelligent but had instead had what I was saying be received totally different from my inner expression.)

OK, I need to work on my words, which means exact expression of my feelings and intent.

Very good. No ‘catch’ phrasing. Back to fears …

Fear of serving others. I am afraid they will want too much of me. I want my alone time.

Why?

I fear I will go back to being like I was when my children were young. I gave so much. I was empty, low, and unable to do what I needed to do with Love. I was unable to make decisions using a higher viewpoint of consideration for others. I was just surviving. My decisions were made to just get past the current difficulty to one day have peace.  I have peace now.

What about happiness?

Why is that dependent on others?

It comes from flow.

Isn’t there flow, now, from me to Source?

It’s not enough. Not enough for you. Think Trinity.

(The homily of Father Richard Rohr that I listened to this morning from Sunday 6-16-19 “No one is ready for the shape of God”, spoke of the Trinity. I took some notes: “Infinite Love makes the 3 into One. Father: God infinite for you. Son: God/Jesus infinitely with you. Spirit: God infinitely in you.”)

It seems like the flow works for the individual with the Trinity.

Yes, but what about the group? (What is one is in the whole.)

Lightworker, do your work for others. Awaken the Spirit! Help the flow to others for the group.

So that sounds like I am to serve others directly. (Perhaps) My mind just moved to thoughts of a preacher, such as Fr. Rohr, but that seems wrong.

Yes and no. It depends on your style. Jesus told stories. You have life experiences.

Father Rohr can preach. He has wisdom.

He came from that authority and practice. Think Caroline (Myss).

She has skills and abilities (medical intuitive and mystic) that she can teach.

Not preach!

I don’t have that … just experiences.

That can be enough … a place to start. No preaching.

I just had a thought for this blog to separate these conversations and go back to writing of my experiences.

Good. But still need to connect with others, in person.

“Person” doesn’t feel like definite guidance, perhaps an online group can work for me?

Let it be one that moves into more.

Serve or sharing?

Why not both? A sharing group will lead to service.

I like that – service as part of an organized group.

You are always part of something more. You must move away from the belief that you must do it all. Very strong in your family.

How do I find this group? I am feeling and thinking about my healing touch group.

Something will come through this.

Please make it obvious.