Spring

I followed my inspiration …
By April I was very trusting of my own feelings and started taking action when I felt I should.  I wanted to start writing about what I had learned from the books I had read and to share this information with family; I felt much guided by Dad and I wanted others to learn what I had learned.  I still had my insecurities so when I felt compelled to write I was not brave enough to just share my story just for its spiritual content so I thought to create a website about Dad; we had these writings of his and he was such a great artist it would provide a place to do a gallery of his works.  Additionally, this could be the venue for me to place my own writing about how I had been transformed and how the books he had recommended years ago had been my stepping stones to start my journey.
The process of creating the website was slow to get going; my brother Mike provided me with a website and then I needed to learn WordPress.  I began asking everyone to provide me with pictures of Dad’s artwork and crafts.  I bought a scanner and began scanning photos he had left of his art projects.  As all of this was going on I kept feeling I had to write about my spiritual experiences.  I kept putting my feelings aside to focus on the structure and photo content of the website.  Mike and I struggled for several days trying to get the photo galleries working as they just would not function.  Finally I realized I had to stop and listen to what I was being directed to do; I had to take the time to write about my spiritual path.  Once I did this everything came together with the photo galleries and the website was launched! (Visit here.)
Forgiveness – doing my work to leave the old self behind …
In April I was watching Oprah’s Master Class, The Tour; the show was on forgiveness.  There was a young woman who was asking how to forgive herself for something she did as a 10 year old child that involved taking a watch from a classmate.  It made me remember the time I took a sheet of stamps from a woman I worked with when I was 20. This theft was the worst action I had taken in my life and the memory of it brought shame. I kept thinking about this so the next day I was determined to remember the woman’s name feeling that it would help me to forgive myself.  “Was it Ona or Elna? Or something along those lines?”  At dinner Peter asked me if I knew Una Stubbs, an English actress who had just died.  I said no but instantly realized this was the name I had been looking for all day, Una!  I told Peter the reason for my surprised reaction to his question and then, for the first time ever, I spoke aloud about my past mistake.  That night I continued to ask the Lord how to forgive myself.  The next morning I was still asking this question.  I was beating myself up with my thoughts saying to myself “I kept the stamps and even used them!” This made me feel worse.  Then the voice inside said “Where were you in your life?”  I thought about that time: living with a drug addict, having no money, driving a $400 car, and eating baloney sandwiches most meals.  The voice then said “It was a gift.”  I understood; thank you Lord!  I realized that Una was such a good soul that she had long ago forgiven me, the unknown thief, and had turned it over to God.  I remember Mom telling us young kids when something got taken from us that “someone needing the thing more that we did”.  I just knew Una had done that.  Now I could forgive myself and give thanks to God and Una for the gift of stamps, forgiveness, grace, knowledge, and peace.
I was inspired to learn how others view God and themselves …
During this spring many new practices came into my life.  In April I began watching Super Soul Sunday and while on a weekend get away the first Sunday in June I began starting my Sunday’s with Joel Osteen.  Sunday became my day to recharge my spirit so that I could make it through the week with my mind on love and kindness.
I became preoccupied with learning about other cultures and their spiritual beliefs. I would research other faiths on Wikipedia and was directed to sites of mystics and ancient scriptures.  I read the Bhagavad Gita, of the Hindu faith, and was amazed by the message of this 5000 year old story.  The warrior Arjuna’s conversation with God, Krishna, about selfless action and selfless service seems the same message as the spiritual leaders of today are saying.  In the story Krishna explains himself (God) as infinite and eternal light; again familiar teachings.
The first episode of Super Soul Sunday that I watched was the interview Oprah did with Deepak Chopra in India.  I found his answers to her ‘life’s big’ questions on the soul and the universe were explanations to where my understanding had been leading – putting together the ideas of spirit with a timeless infinite universe.  A famous quote of his is “we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
I began meditating and focusing on my chakras looking for more awareness of the spiritual energy field. Books I read during this period included the next three novels by James Redfield in the Celestine Prophecy series.  Events in his stories included awareness of raising the frequency of our energy field so that humans could ‘ascend’ onto the celestial plain without death.  Many sci-fi stories I have enjoyed over the years had similar ideas: an episode of Star Trek where a humanoid race was having a transforming evolution into energy; Stargate had a whole story line of humanity being guided by ascended beings who where the former inhabitants of earth; even Obi Wan Kanobi of Star Wars ascended.  If Jesus is the example of human potential, are we all able to change our physical state and ascend?
Books I read during this period were:
Bhagavad Gita for Beginners by Edward Viljoen (also other online versions)
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra
Quest, A Guide for Creating Your Own Vision Quest by Denise Linn
The Age of Miracles by Marianne Williamson
Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis
Sacred Earth, the Spiritual Landscape of Native America by Arthur Versluis