{"id":991,"date":"2014-12-29T23:48:58","date_gmt":"2014-12-29T23:48:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/batesonline.org\/triciablog\/?p=991"},"modified":"2014-12-29T23:48:58","modified_gmt":"2014-12-29T23:48:58","slug":"dec-28-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2014\/12\/29\/dec-28-14\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday 12-28-14 Assuming bad & good."},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cIf others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don’t understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don’t have the courage to ask questions.\u201d
\n~\u00a0Miguel Ruiz<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Happy Sunday!<\/h2>\n

I just spent the last couple of hours trying to break into what I am going to write about.\u00a0 I feel like there is something that I have yet to learn but all of the ideas that come to me just feel like I will be writing a sermon of things I get already.
\nPreaching is not the purpose of this blog.\u00a0 What I have learned is the purpose of this blog is for me to write to work through what is bothering me so that I learn something new and, that I have documented the process of my growth for my own reference.\u00a0 I also like to think that someday my writing will help to guide someone else to find their way along their own path.
\nI know when I feel bothered that my feelings are telling me that I am not in alignment with Source.
\nSo what is actually bothering me?
\nI am focused on the unhappiness of those I love.\u00a0 It is Christmas time when we (I) put such high expectations on making everyone happy.\u00a0 Most of my family is doing very well but there are those few who are hurting right now who are of concern to me.\u00a0 I just have this great need for everyone to be happy.\u00a0 I suppose I can\u2019t help my Pollyanna-self coming out.
\nIs it OK to look on bright side around someone who is feeling down?
\nAnd, what should be the correct behavior for me to have when someone around me is hurting?
\nI just want everyone to be happy.\u00a0 I know that happiness is a choice you make in every moment; it is a personal choice so that I, as outside of the other, can\u2019t really make that person happy.
\nI wasn\u2019t sure where to go with this writing so I let other things push themselves ahead of getting this blog done in the morning.\u00a0 In the afternoon I watched Don Miguel Ruiz on Super Soul Sunday today; it was a repeat of the interview with Oprah about the book \u201cThe Four Agreements\u201d.\u00a0 I realized from their conversation that I need to work on the third agreement \u201cdon\u2019t make assumptions\u201d.\u00a0 I am wondering now if my worry and concerns are all assumptions.\u00a0 I am not saying that my loved ones are actually happy but that perhaps I am assuming that their hurt is a problem and also, that I can somehow solve the problem.
\nIf I was hurting would I want someone to solve my problem?\u00a0 Not if I didn\u2019t seek the solution. If I wanted help I would ask for it. Sometimes we just know that we need to be sad or hurt and that only time will improve the situation. Or, we seek the advice of those who might have similar experience or seek help from experts to get us through the really difficult times.
\nSo what do we need from our loved ones? LOVE!
\nDon Miguel says the way to move past assumptions is to ask questions to get to clarity.\u00a0 He also says we let our mind make assumptions to avoid the difficulty of asking questions.\u00a0 I can see how I very much am guilty of assuming too much \u2013 my mind definitely likes to get to deep into figuring out how to solve the problems of others.\u00a0 I am also guilty of thinking my answers are good ones because of my spiritual perspective, a really bad assumption I am now thinking.\u00a0 The only saving Grace I have is that I know I can\u2019t force my perspective on someone else so at least I haven\u2019t been pushy or defensive in giving out my perspective based on my assumptions.
\nHow can I help?
\nI think that is all I really have to say to those I love.\u00a0 That is what I would want to hear.\u00a0 And I expect that I would respond to such a question with \u201cI\u2019m just glad you are here\u201d.\u00a0 Love and support is what is needed in most cases – there I go assuming again!
\nHere is another fear in asking questions \u2013 someone may ask for more than I am willing to give.\u00a0 This is a benefit of making assumptions, laying out the problem and solution in my own head so that I get to sort through all the options of solutions first to then offer what I am willing to give.\u00a0\u00a0 I can recall instances where this didn\u2019t really work as I assumed what I saw as a solution would be seen by the other person as a solution as well and it wasn\u2019t.
\nI know the best thing to offer to someone hurting is unconditional Love.\u00a0 My over-thinking, assumptions, and vetted solutions fall far from being unconditional.
\nI think that making assumptions to help may be an act of ego.\u00a0 My ego will feel good in several ways by offering solutions to another\u2019s problems: ego can feel good about helping, it can be happier when the \u00a0other person is happy again, it can feel good about getting it right or defensive it advice is rejected, it can feel superior when it thinks it has it all figured out.
\nI would like to be a healer.\u00a0 I would like to have the gift of understanding to realize someone\u2019s problem and, using clarity and Truth, give them the tools to resolve the problem within themselves.\u00a0 There are mystics and saints who can do this.\u00a0 I wonder how.
\nIt is said they see through the eyes of Love to the true essence of a person.\u00a0 Don Miguel spoke of his knowledge to write the book came from a transcendent experience where he just understood Truth.\u00a0 He said he learned in a moment that the Earth was alive, all things are alive, and that every cell is a Universe.
\nThis Truth that he was vague about, is it that he instantly understood that everything is God, everything is sacred, every person holy?
\nIf I can see my loved one as just another aspect of God, the good or bad, the trouble or well-being are just another aspect of God as I am, no better or worse than myself. \u00a0It is in these thoughts that the ideas of the ego can be dropped and the intention of just Love can exist.
\nI believe this is where the true solution lies; the intention needs to be true.\u00a0 Somehow, through our energy, our intention is the message that passes between us. \u00a0I think we sense each other more than hear each other.
\nThere are a few things helping me in my understanding of this lesson.\u00a0 First I am thinking of Brene\u2019 Brown speaking of sharing your shame, how someone has to earn the right to hear your shame.\u00a0 It needs a person who will just be there to support you, not criticize, judge, compare, or problem solve.\u00a0 I think this is the same when you are hurting; you want the support of someone being with you without any action or expectations.
\nI am also thinking of lessons about working on acceptance of the dark parts of ourselves and life.\u00a0 I just finished reading \u201cLearning to Walk in the Dark\u201d by Barbara Brown Taylor.\u00a0 In this book Barbara journals about her own journey to find peace, well-being, and acceptance in the dark places of the world: the night, caves, grief, death, and sorrow.
\nAnother lesson here is the bad times are OK too.
\nI was just thinking that I would have to give up my Pollyanna self as I was thinking her purpose was to make others happy.\u00a0 I have been remembering this incorrectly in my recalling how I was happy as a young child and then I lost that.\u00a0 Pollyanna looked for the good in all things, the bad and the good, the things that make you happy or make you sad.
\nHow do you find the good in the sad times?
\nThere is always something to be gained by going through the hard times. \u00a0This morning Joel spoke of expecting beauty to come from ashes.\u00a0 We grow and learn from the dark times.\u00a0 We learn to appreciate the experiences of light by our ability to compare with the dark times.\u00a0 We also learn not to fear the dark as we learn that life is about change and that behind it all, all is well.
\nI feel more peaceful about accepting the tough times, even for those people that I care about.\u00a0 I have learned from my own experiences of dark times to surrender and let God lead the way through.\u00a0 I know I must also allow God to do the problem solving for my loved ones instead of it being me.
\nI will be aware of assuming and strive for clarity.
\nI will be peaceful in the dark.
\nI will Love well.
\n\u00a0\u201cBad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss.\u201d\u00a0~\u00a0Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/a><\/em>
\n\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIf others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don’t tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. 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