{"id":2788,"date":"2022-12-18T20:31:00","date_gmt":"2022-12-18T20:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/?p=2788"},"modified":"2022-12-27T22:47:34","modified_gmt":"2022-12-27T22:47:34","slug":"dec-18-2022","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2022\/12\/18\/dec-18-2022\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday 12-18-2022, An Unwelcoming Heart."},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Happy Sunday!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
Yesterday I was working on the ACIM Workbook, start of section 14, Who Am I, and lesson 351. The lesson is on the choice of seeing a sinful brother or a sinless brother. I opened my heart to God as I wrote in my journal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I got to Hollie Holden\u2019s notes for the section and lesson, her guiding image for us students was to imagine a network of light threads between our hearts and the hearts of all people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen we use our practice time to remind everyone that they are welcome inside this heart, we too give ourselves full access.\u201d<\/em> ~ Hollie Holden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As I did the practice, I felt tightness around my heart. I realized my thoughts of others are always about what I should be doing for others. I realized that doing for others gets in the way of being with others. There is a burden, a mis-belief, that I \u2018should be doing\u2019 for another instead of just loving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jesus, I ask for your help. My heart opens to you, help me to open to my brothers and sisters.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Type One.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
When I went for my walk, I listened to a podcast on the Enneagram, an interview by Chris Heuertz with Fr. Richard Rohr. The interview was focused on Fr. Richard, so it was all about ennea type 1, which I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This interview helped me to understand myself better, and to accept my flaws. I am the type of person who is idealistic, sees the flaws in the world, and feels responsible for making everything good. My life actions have been motivated by all the things I saw I should do. Before I would contact someone, I would play out in my mind the reason behind reaching out to them, never just because I wanted to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Time for forgiveness.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
An unwelcoming heart sounds pretty bad \u2026 time to reflect to release judgement. I do love being with people. The best times are being able to have deep, meaningful conversations. Hearts must be open for this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This past year, I find as I drive around, I send blessings to people I see walking. Seems that I do act as part of an open-hearted network of light beings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have a fear of others taking too much from me. I still think of my past identities of mother and worker where my self-worth came from how much I did. My adult years passed, fueled by long lists of all the \u2018should\u2019 and \u2018have to\u2019 things to do. There were periods of being overwhelmed that fuel my fear today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I live now.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
I am proud of all I have accomplished. But Fr. Richard said something in the podcast that I also see in myself. I\u2019ve come to recognize that letting go of the self that is motivated just by the \u2018shoulds\u2019 in life is not where I want to be anymore. I retired early and feel uncomfortable about that sometimes. In recent months, when I think about getting a job, I see that as an easier route than what I am currently working through. With a job I would step back into my habits of defining myself by my busyness, feeling like I fit in when I have a long list of things to tell about how filled in my week. Accepting the way things are now, allowing each day to unfold, feels right for right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I see clearly \u2026 my heart will open when I change. I will be loving myself when I choose to do what I want to do. And I will give my time to other people because that is what I want to do. It is in giving that we receive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK heart, are you ready?!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
One last thing as I finish this post. I realize that all my \u2018shoulds\u2019 need not go away. I should continue my daily practices of connecting with Source and I should love well my Creator, my Self (and self), this planet, and all who dwell on her.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/whoa-300x274.png?resize=300%2C274\")
<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n