{"id":2148,"date":"2020-01-01T17:31:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-01T17:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/triciablog.luricidex.com\/?p=2148"},"modified":"2022-08-28T21:34:39","modified_gmt":"2022-08-28T21:34:39","slug":"dec-29-19","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Happy Sunday!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since September I have been working on an online course. The\ncourse is entitled \u201cTransformation Course\u201d1<\/sup> which came to me from my\ninbox via a newsletter I received from PEERS, Public Education &\nEmpowerment Resource Service.  I have\nbeen moving through the 20 lessons little by little as my time and attention\nhas allowed. The course is a rollercoaster of spirit uplifting films and\narticles to difficult views of earthly reality via documentaries and past news\narticles. So far I have not been hit too hard by the difficult lessons as my\nguides have done a good job in the last few years of directing my attention to\nwhat I need to be aware of to adjust to the upcoming changes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I recently came across one lesson that caused me to pull\naway and then have to look within for what was really going on inside of me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The lesson was on core beliefs. With each lesson, once you\ngo through the material provided you are to write down what you thought or felt\nabout the lesson materials before you move to the next lesson. I couldn\u2019t\nproceed \u2013 I couldn\u2019t put down on the page what I felt. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frankly I felt pissed off. I felt like I have done this work before, looked at my shadow <\/a>traits, reflected on what I had thought were the only 3 base core beliefs (unworthy, unloved, and helpless) and had written many blogs about overcoming unworthiness. I felt negatively about this lesson believing that I had done my work, found my core belief to be unworthiness, and worked hard to build by confidence in myself. After a day or so of walking away from the lesson, and feeling grumpy about it, I finally realized I was resisting it and that I needed to do the work. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat you resist persists.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

One evening I took out my journal and wrote the following\nquestion on the top of a page. Core beliefs: what are mine and where do they\ncome from?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went online to find a site that listed dozens of core\nbeliefs and went through the list to see which ones were unsettling to me. Here\nare the ones I wrote down:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am all alone; I am\nnot enough; I am not wanted; I am unattractive; I am uninteresting; I am\nunworthy; I can\u2019t be myself or I will be rejected; I don\u2019t belong; I have to do\neverything myself; I have to do everything perfectly; I have to make people happy;\nI\u2019m not understood; If I don\u2019t do it no one will; If vulnerable I will be in\ndanger; my needs are not important; No one ever listens to me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The thoughts of events from childhood and teenage youth with\nfamily, friends, and school as well as my behaviors at work rolled through my\nmind as I jotted down my list of discomforts. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was able to summarize these down to the following:\nunworthy, unwanted, unheard, as well as a fear of vulnerability. I then\nreflected on my life story to find where these were initiated in me. I was able\nto find the typical histories of rejection, abandonment, being used … nothing\nmajor, just typical events that befall the divine child on the journey to human\nadulthood. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How did I start behaving way back when? What tools did I\ntake on due to the pain I was trying to cope with? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know my main tool was to act aloof. This tool meant family\nsought me out but also friendships couldn\u2019t form. Family always came first to\nme so I see now that I wasn\u2019t able to recognize this as a problem.\nRelationships with boys also didn\u2019t occur as I was not open.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, in my relationships, my being aloof, which caused\nothers to reach out to me, then reinforced the need to feel special. I know I\nstill have this need to feel special. As an adult I get my specialness rewards\nby my efforts to gain the approval of other by my efforts. I have played the\nrole of the \u2018good girl\u2019 for approval of others. I have been the high achiever\nand hard worker for approval. I have come to believe I have to earn any praise\n\u2013 earn being worthy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Recently I received some approval at work and found my\nfeelings interesting. I find I want to control the praise. I don\u2019t accept it\nwhen it comes. I will take work I am proud of and expect praise which doesn\u2019t\ncome but then I push aside attention and accolades I may receive for other\nefforts. I see this being because the praises don\u2019t come when I expect them. I\nwant to control everything so I don\u2019t even allow others to bring me feelings of\nhappiness and acceptance. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This shows me that I still act aloof to control my feelings.\nThe reason I see for controlling feelings goes back to my youth; I had a great\nfear of feeling shame. Today the word shame does not hold the same power over\nme as it did in my youth. I give credit for that to Brene\u2019 Brown for teaching\nme the remedy. Shame cannot live in the light. If it is shared it holds no\npower. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I reflect on the girl I was before the pains of youth\nand the shame I inflicted on myself I see I was here just happy, loving, seeing\nthe goodness all around. I recall Mom calling me Pollyanna, a term that is\nstill endearing to me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

From these memories a new core belief rose in my awareness,\n\u2018being happy doesn\u2019t fit in\u2019 \u2013 the happy divine child didn\u2019t fit into this\nworld. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned it was better to pretend I was just as burdened\nand miserable as everyone else when I was actually happy to be here – a\nPollyanna just trying to get everyone else to see the positive in life. I\nworked hard at it for a while so I wouldn\u2019t feel so all alone and could just be\nmyself. I ultimately gave in to the teasing and rejection. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I am actually happy! Time to stop playing the game!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I choose to bring forward once again my Pollyanna self. I\nwillingly accept my role to try to get everyone else to see the positive. I\nthink we are ready for authentic positivity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Transformation Course, https:\/\/www.personalgrowthcourses.net\/<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Happy Sunday! Since September I have been working on an online course. The course is entitled \u201cTransformation Course\u201d1 which came to me from my inbox via a newsletter I received from PEERS, Public Education & Empowerment Resource Service.  I have … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[6],"tags":[14,108],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nSunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Tricia Today!\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-01-01T17:31:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2022-08-28T21:34:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Tricia\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/\",\"name\":\"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-01-01T17:31:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2022-08-28T21:34:39+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/79e63a39a2babc4be434aedcb35effb3\"},\"description\":\"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/\",\"name\":\"Tricia Today!\",\"description\":\"Sharing what I learn as I go along ... by Tricia Bates Smith\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/79e63a39a2babc4be434aedcb35effb3\",\"name\":\"Tricia\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/37482e55dd40bfdd2dc26c0f6e049098?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/37482e55dd40bfdd2dc26c0f6e049098?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Tricia\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/author\/tricia\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!","description":"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!","og_description":"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.","og_url":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/","og_site_name":"Tricia Today!","article_published_time":"2020-01-01T17:31:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2022-08-28T21:34:39+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg"}],"author":"Tricia","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/","url":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/","name":"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve - Tricia Today!","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg","datePublished":"2020-01-01T17:31:00+00:00","dateModified":"2022-08-28T21:34:39+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/79e63a39a2babc4be434aedcb35effb3"},"description":"Looking at my core beliefs, where they come from my past, and how they have affected my behaviors. Time to release to be my authentic positive Self.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/triciabatessmith.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/Self-Confidence1.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2020\/01\/01\/dec-29-19\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Sunday 12-29-19 Core beliefs to resolve"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#website","url":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/","name":"Tricia Today!","description":"Sharing what I learn as I go along ... by Tricia Bates Smith","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/79e63a39a2babc4be434aedcb35effb3","name":"Tricia","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/37482e55dd40bfdd2dc26c0f6e049098?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/37482e55dd40bfdd2dc26c0f6e049098?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Tricia"},"url":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/author\/tricia\/"}]}},"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2148"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2148"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2151,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2148\/revisions\/2151"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}