My mind is wandering to all that is going on in the news but\nI want to stay away from the public situations and use this just as the tool to\nget to my reflection this morning. Things in my awareness that are prompting\nthis are: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Last night I watched Brene\u2019 Brown lecture on\nNetflix. She said that there is no love without vulnerability. I know that I\nblock vulnerability; <\/li>
- This morning Fr. Rohr spoke on unity (homily\nfrom May 2019). Learning to love everything before being able to love God. <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
All of this is showing me that my beliefs about myself, that\nI\u2019ve done \u2018my work\u2019, that \u2018I\u2019m good\u2019, are not right. I\u2019m not there yet. I need\nto find compassion for other\u2019s feelings and love better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Go easy on yourself.\nThere are always more lessons. Also, this week you looked back on your past\nblogs and could see how far you\u2019ve come. Appreciate what these new feelings are\nbringing up.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes. I feel my energies rising. I realize I don\u2019t have to\nsee this for the purpose pointing out my faults. I accept this with gratitude\nfor what it is \u2013 a nudge to bring my attention to the next lesson. Now I\u2019m\nexcited! To love better! Where do we start?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Your question?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought about re-wording it but I think it should stay (am\nI a racist?). I feel within it there is some understanding about the feelings\nand thoughts of others. Am I a racist?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You can start\nreflecting \u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes. I group cultures, see them as separate, and judge them;\nracist?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ok. I\u2019ll look for a definition to compare to.\nMerriam-Webster, racism: a belief that race is the primary determinant of human\ntraits and capacities and that racial difference produce an inherent\nsuperiority of a particular race.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Well, that\u2019s certainly not me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Glad you see it.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
So why the perhaps?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What was your belief?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
That it was just racist to see those from other cultures {not races} as separate. Yeah, I suppose the separating thoughts are move \u2018culturism\u2019 then racism. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Different tribe.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is old stuff once again, is it not?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, and current\nprogramming, and just personal preferences.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I\u2019ll go through my thoughts on each here:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Past: survival response of the past to fear\nothers who are different, such as warring\ntribes;<\/li>
- Programming: avoid those who are different as\nthey could bring new ideas, or thoughts, that could unsettle the community. The\ngoal being to keep everyone contributing to the group as expected, everything\nmoving smoothly, everyone comfortable.<\/li>
- Personal preference: here I think about my own\nthoughts about groups that I didn\u2019t like, their music (loudness) their clothes,\nthe way they speak.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Makes you\nuncomfortable.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, why should they invade my peace?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where is your peace?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Inside, so yes, I know now that I choose to have my peace\ndisrupted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You disrupt it, not\nthem.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, my thoughts, what I make up in my mind \u2013 the story I\ntell myself. I am feeling now that peace is not really what I want anymore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Good<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You\u2019re happy about this change?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, very much so.\nTime to engage.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Time to engage with others, life, you, multi-dimensionals,\nwhat?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All, but start with\nthose closest to you.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is where Brene\u2019s vulnerability pep talk comes in. I\u2019m\nnot feeling ready to be vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is where joy lies.<\/em> {as Brene\u2019 said}<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Open my heart \u2026 I don\u2019t feel ready. I am thinking that this\nmeans talking about all this stuff I\u2019ve learned, as it is what excites me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Perhaps not. Being\npresent. Loving just the times together. Love the presence (of the Other) like\nyou find with the Sun, Earth, trees. Connect to the spirit and the physical\nmoment will reflect that. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Help me to utilize this in my life. I feel I will walk away\nfrom this desk and not use these wonderful tools. Please nudge me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We will.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Each person is a blossom. Why don\u2019t I remember this when out\nthere?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too many years of not.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Please nudge, even yell! LOL! I want to do better. I want to\nshow love better but I know I have asked this many times before on the pages of\nthis blog.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And you do. Don\u2019t drop\nenergies once again thinking of what you are not, there is always more. Always\nthe desire for the next rung on the ladder as a seeker.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I just thought about how much I want to have open\nconversation with friends and I just feel sad, I don\u2019t see it happening. So\nmuch is hidden inside of me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Find the group to share\nwith.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know how to do it. I\u2019m afraid of the effort to go\nout, being with other \u2018crazy\u2019 people, and of the unknown \u2026 just making myself\nvulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where does joy come\nfrom?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Brene\u2019 said this can\u2019t be done on your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So very true.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t work on vulnerability without getting out there. {True<\/em>} The thing I see to bring me joy will be sharing what I\u2019ve learned and my experiences. {True}<\/em> I\u2019m afraid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Courage, Dare Greatly,\nget in the game.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK, I\u2019m sensing this goes back to last week now \u2013 the Game.\nThat awareness and experience was one of the major events of my life and yet I\nhaven\u2019t been able to tell anyone. (weepy)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You must.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve been feeling all week like I can\u2019t hold onto it, the\nexperience, I keep re-reading what I wrote.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now what do you think?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
That it is not about the words. It was the experience. The\nopening up to the greater view of the role that was (I) accepted in the\ngame\/play that has been acted out for the past few millennia. Male dominant;\nfemale less; Doing more important than being.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Physical more important\nthan spiritual. It is what this place\/density is about \u2013 to experience. If\neveryone was focused on spiritual, being woo-woo in their heads, what would\nhave been created, achieved by the hand of man.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am thinking now of the \u2018supposed’ abilities, through spirit, of past societyies of Atlantis and Lemuria. They created through their minds by manipulating matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not the same lessons as not the same effort. (Now) More density, more challenges, more to overcome to get to the big A-ha that you experienced. Great lessons that open the door to greater understanding, greater appreciation.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now we are moving on?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yes, more balance – appreciation\nfor the efforts of the human. More skills, more confidence in abilities. And,\nthe choice of when to manifest through spirit or through effort \u2013 powers of\nfemale energy or male energy. Both are wonderful!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Happy Sunday! This is Conversation 19 with my Higher Self. I have a question to reflect on today. Am I a racist? I am hearing a \u2018yes\u2019. All week, in my mind, I have been defending the President who is … Continue reading