{"id":1101,"date":"2015-06-08T01:15:23","date_gmt":"2015-06-08T01:15:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/batesonline.org\/triciablog\/?p=1101"},"modified":"2015-06-08T01:15:23","modified_gmt":"2015-06-08T01:15:23","slug":"jun-7-15","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/triciabatessmith.com:443\/index.php\/2015\/06\/08\/jun-7-15\/","title":{"rendered":"Sunday 6-7-15 Who Am I?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.\u201d ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin<\/em>
\nHappy Sunday!
\nSorry Universe for not writing last week.\u00a0 I spent my Sunday traveling from London back to New Jersey.\u00a0 It was a good trip that I spent just choosing media and reading materials to keep me mellow and in alignment.
\nAll was well.
\nSince I\u2019ve been home I have done some writing and I have also been trying to catch up on the Writer\u2019s Workshop course I am taking.\u00a0 I am a week or two behind in watching the video materials that are offered.\u00a0 I had one good evening of writing that I really enjoyed.\u00a0 The coursework, on the other hand, seems to be stressing me out.
\nPlatform, promoting, sales, all parts of the book publishing world that I fear.
\nI know I only have to take one step at a time and that no one is forcing me to be a published writer.\u00a0 It is my choice.
\n\u201cDo you hear that, you bothersome guides?\u201d
\nI am listening though.\u00a0 I am willing to take it slow, to cautiously see where I am heading.
\nSo a step I took this week was to investigate some online groups recommended by Kris Carr when she spoke on agents and publishers.\u00a0 One of the groups she recommended seemed like it might be a good fit for me.\u00a0 I felt comfortable with participating in the group with giving feedback on the types of articles that I saw being published there.\u00a0 Also, this week I had some big ideas on the formatting of my book so the idea of having a place to share my thoughts on my writing process seemed timely.
\nI signed up to join the group and had to fill in an application.\u00a0 The application asked directly, \u201cWho are you?\u201d\u00a0 I filled out the question being true to my authentic Self; I wrote I was a seeker and how writing was a tool for growth and meditation.
\nAfter I submitted the application I had second thoughts. I wondered if the way I described myself was suitable for context of the group.\u00a0 Fear crept in that my spiritual seeking Self might not fit into what the group wants.
\nWho am I?
\nThis question has always seemed to be a stumbling block for me.\u00a0 How best to describe all the aspects of me?\u00a0 When someone asks do you just give them the description of the part that they may encounter?\u00a0 The big question makes me feel I have to answer as authentically as possible, that my answer reflect the most significant part of me.
\nBack in 2003 I took a yearlong leadership course.\u00a0 The first day of the course involved team building activities that were designed so that students got to know each other well for our year long journey together.\u00a0 First thing we were asked to do was to spend two minutes with another person and tell them who we are \u2013 just like speed dating.\u00a0 I went through the activity telling my co-students about my professional life.\u00a0 Afterward I felt regret because I realized I didn\u2019t think first to say I was a wife and a mother, the more important roles in my life at that time.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never forgotten that feeling of regret.
\nNow that I am past asking that big question of the Universe I have a response to \u201cWho am I?\u201d\u00a0 It is \u201cI am that I am.\u201d I am an eternal being and part of all that is.
\nI see that doesn\u2019t really work out there in the everyday world.\u00a0 I certainly couldn\u2019t put that on a resume\u2019.
\nI want to resolve the feelings I have of not being authentic to give the response people want to know my abilities.
\nI was just thinking that when asked about \u2018who I am\u2019 that I should respond about the things I do.\u00a0 In my mind this would allow me to feel I am being truthful.\u00a0 But the more I thought about it I realized there were things about me that I identify with.\u00a0 I was pleased a few weeks ago to update my bio page to say confidently \u2018I am a writer\u2019.\u00a0 This makes me realize that the things I love to do I also like to identify with.\u00a0 I say easily that I am a writer, a gardener, a seeker.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to say \u2018I am a housekeeper\u2019 because I\u2019d rather not have to clean my home.
\nI identify with the big roles I have had in my life.\u00a0 There are the ones I was born into: daughter, sister, girl, woman.\u00a0 Then there are those life roles I chose to take on: wife, mother, and engineer. These are where the culture expects me to say \u2018I am\u2019 this or that.
\nI think there are levels.
\nYes, I am part of \u2018All That Is\u2019 but I was also individualized to experience uniquely my little part of the Universe.
\nThese parts of me that I identify with remind me of my lessons on archetypes.\u00a0 My understanding is that above the level of our individual souls there are the groupings of innate traits, or some may call personality types, that Jung called archetypes. The unique combinations of these form the individual.
\nWhen I did my archetype work on myself back in April 2013 (following Caroline Myss\u2019 book Sacred Contracts) I evaluated my 12 innate traits.\u00a0 Caroline provided the first four then I determined the rest.\u00a0 They are: prostitute, saboteur, victim, child (\u2018divine\u2019 I was able to determine), guide\/crone, engineer, seeker, mother, wounded healer, story teller, virgin, and student.
\nIt is nice to look at these again.\u00a0 Yes, they are all part of who I am.
\nIt is nice to identify with being an eternal being.\u00a0 There is peace and comfort in knowing there is constancy in a world that is always changing.\u00a0 It is also nice to feel grounded and a part of the physical world.\u00a0 I feel filled with gratitude for all the beauty and the gifts of creation.
\nI think that in future I will feel much more comfortable with speaking about who I am.\u00a0 The local and the non-local parts of me are all wonderful and valid.\u00a0 I hope that I can become comfortable with sharing all parts of me with others.
\nNamaste\u2019
\n\u201cAs long as you think of your real self as the person you are, then of course you’re going to be fearful of death. But what is a person? A person is a pattern of behavior, of a larger awareness. You know, the two-year-old dies before the three-year-old shows up, the three-year-old dies before the teenager shows up.\u201d ~ Deepak Chopra<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.\u201d ~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin Happy Sunday! 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