Happy Son-day!

As I was lying in bed this morning, I thought about an upcoming assignment that I have for seminary. I will need to write a sermon which I have already decided will be on how the parable of ‘The Prodigal Son’ has taught me about the Love of God.

From the parable, it brought me to see that the son took actions in his life, he made choices that took him further and further from his father’s home. But, the love of his father was constant, always there and waiting, even though the son never considered this.

This morning, my learning from this parable went deeper. I laid in bed thinking of the story, starting to outline my sermon by going through the scenes of the parable. I came to where the son is at his lowest point, penniless, in rags, and he has the thought that ‘I will go home to my Father’s house’. His thoughts form the idea and judge it as good as he recalls that his father took good care of the servants who worked in his fields for him. The son found logic in his thinking as his father should accept his idea because he was offering to work. The son never considered that his father would just want him because he loved him.

As I recalled this part of the story, I thought of myself. I had noticed years ago, when thinking of family members who would speak with each other regularly while I did not, I felt like I needed a reason to call someone otherwise I thought I would just be bothering them.

So, here I am wondering what this is in me, like the Prodigal Son, that does not think that others care and want to have contact with me. I have two ideas in my mind … do I feel I am unworthy of love? Or, is it that I only know myself as separate, so belief that I have to do everything myself?

I don’t know if it is subconsciously feeling not worthy or feeling unlovable, perhaps this is there. But I think that like the Prodigal Son, it is not even on my radar that I am connected to others through Love.

Right now, I feel like I really ‘drank the kool-aid’ of this western materialistic culture — to be identified by what you do. (‘I am someone because of what I do’ instead of ‘I am someone because I am’.)  

I am a part of a greater Whole. Being, and feeling, connected needs to become part of my awareness. I belong to many groups that need my gifts, but, even more so, at this stage of my life, I need to receive, into me, what the group offers to me. (I pause as my heart is reacting.)

Love flows …

I have come to comprehend the Love of God as flowing, always available. This tells me that love between people must also flow.

An image has come to mind representing my system of love as a schematic drawing with me in the middle connected to others with lines between me and them. with me working to push love out of me to them. When it comes to receiving, I use judgement to determine what I let come back in.

Thoughts of connection bring me an image being in a circle with others and love moving around the circle.

I’m feeling regret for spending so much time blocking Love’s flow, but that is the past. I have been given a gift today of seeing something in myself that I can now let go of.

My connections are important to me. Being loving is important to me so I want to honor and nurture the people in my groups.

A great blessing is given to me this day.

I am loved. I am loving. And so it is.