“It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?” ~ Dr. Shafali Tsabary

Happy Sunday!
The days click by getting closer and closer to the date my oldest son is planning to move away, across the country. For a long time I have felt there has been a dis-connection between us. Around the same time that I woke up and aggressively began seeking he declared himself to be an atheist. I don’t know if he is in the same place today with his beliefs but it was the start of my restricting the expression of my Self to him.
His declaration of beliefs marked another thing as well – it was that I no longer determined his beliefs or influenced who he was.
Because of what I thought I knew about being a parent I traded connection with my child for behavior based on several false beliefs:

• That I was responsible for his behavior and performance in society
• That he was a reflection of me
• That I was to mold him into someone who others would see as successful in all aspects of our culture (school, friendship, sports, art, music)
• That he knew nothing and that I had to teach him everything

As a mom this is what I believed about my children. Today I know this was wrong, I was wrong, and it is the source of my greatest regret.
I know that I have written about this before, have called myself Judas, but I can’t seem to let it go. I want to make him understand that I am sorry and that if I caused an alteration to his being able to express himself fully I want him to become aware of that quickly instead of waiting for middle age or worse, a crisis in Life to bring it out.
Dr. Shafali Tsabary with her message that our children are our greatest teachers has been shaking me up. Her recent talk on Super Soul Sessions has made me feel that I need to share this feeling within me to release it.
Her talk was amazing! In my perception she appeared like an avenging angel on stage, driving her point into our hearts to release ourselves and our children from the bad pathology of parenting that we burden every human soul with from a very early age. Our nurturing practices send the message to our beloved children that you are not enough; you are unworthy, unlovable, and helpless. This is the basis of societies mistaken core beliefs.
I moped around most of this Sunday with my mind on releasing this. I tried to talk with a family member, I mentioned regrets and he said he had too many. This made me question if I was being overly dramatic in my own mind. I was focusing on, and making bigger, something that is not really a problem right now.
I think there is something else going on here. I am resisting change. I am not living now. It is a problem of time. I am pushing against the future and pulling on the past to keep it present.
I am not allowing or surrendering it all to God.
I need to forgive myself and accept that I did the best I knew how at the time. I was unconscious but now I am awake.
I need to trust in my son, Life, and God that if I did have negative influences on his well-being that he will want to seek to uncover his true Self.
I need to remember my lesson from last week (link here) that I cannot force the blooming of a soul, that I can only contribute to the environment of well-being and be patient. Life will nurture the blossoming.
Thereby my having regrets serves no purpose. My expressing those regrets just serves my ego and will be of no benefit to my growth or anyone else’s.
Let it go Tricia.
So it is!
“Spirituality means you don’t try to find explanations for your nonsense – you are willing to face it.” ~ Sadhguru